Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Haji Ali in memoriam

My father in law, Haji Ali Daud passed away at HKL yesterday.He's one of the toughest men I've met (emotionally).At 72, he suffered from all sorts of ailment you can think of: diabetes, heart problem, renal problem (failure!), eye problem etc.He had all these in his mid 50s.His leg was amputated when Nik and I were doing our hajj in 2000.He plodded along, never showed any sign of self pity, trying to "menghabiskan lagu"/finish up the song (his favourite expression) which refers to his journey towards death.

Nik and I had been held up by so many things in the last couple of weeks of his living (I think I had not visited him longer than Nik cos' I was busy with my own mom, also warded for the same kinda illness) but on Sunday evening, I thought of how he was doing and text-ed Faisal, my bro in law.Faisal said the docs had announced that he had 0% of living and gave him 1-2 days.It was 9 pm, past the visiting hours.I told Faisal I'd go the following day, lunch hours.

Meanwhile I was on the ph with my niece doctor on this.She was wondering why my fil (father in law) was not placed in ICU if he had zero chance of living.So she rang up HKL to know details.

Then she rang me up to say my fil was placed on "death in line" and I guess it's just waiting for that song to end.I told Umi, I'll visit him the following day.

Umi: you still wanna wait that long?

Me: It's 9 pm.They are very strict with visiting time

Umi: Tell them he's nazak already.They'll let you in.

So I decided to take that chance.I told Nik (who's still recovering from his cataract removing thingy) but he was reluctant to go .Besok je kita pergi, he said.

I said besok may be too late.Nanti menyesal tak habis.
So the three of us dressed up and went.Memang susah nak masuk but we were prepared with our script.

"Dia dah nazak."

The guard let us in.

Haji Ali was sleeping (in difficulty cos' his lungs were no good).I read yassin for him.Then my psychic friend Borhan (with whom I was on sms earlier) beeped that I call him so that he could transfer some energy into my weak father in law.But he said, "If it's time, he would go peacefully.If not, he would recover."

Borhan is a family friend and we had gone a long way.I have seen his "magic". :)
I said OK but passed on the phone to Nik for fear of unexpected thing.

As Nik listened to Borhan on the ph while touching my father in law's leg, there was a violent reaction (as though two things clashed...Borhan later explained it's positive and negative energy colliding) I dah naik takut..my fil had so much energy to cough out his phlegm but it didn't come out.

He showed disturbed signs that I asked Z to call Faisal (who was having his dinner at almost 10pm! Itu pun I bawak his dinner.Since my mom got sick. I now know about caring for care givers so I was a bit more thoughtful than usual) Anyway, my fil calmed down after a while and then a stressful ph call from my mom's maid at HUKM came to say my mom was also having some red alerts at the hospital.So we rushed to see her.She was suffocating cos' her lungs penuh air walhal she just did dialysis during the day.They had to do it again (twice in a day!) to keluarkan air.

By the time we got home, it was 1 am.Before I slept, I said a little prayer, "If anybody had to die tonight, please Lord, delay it to tomorrow morning around 6 or 7 am.I am soooooooooo tired."

When I woke up for Subuh, I was amazed at how my sleep went undisturbed, said my syukur and prayed Subuh, with a sense of peace.At about 6.50 am, Nik's phone rang.Lina (his sister)'s name came up flashing.She and Faisal slept over at the hospital, each taking turn to care for their dad.

We knew.

The song had ended.

Al fatihah to Haji Ali Daud who was like my own dad who I could not give gifts every time I went away overseas (my Dad died when I was 18, just after my SPM.Tak sempat ku balas jasanya).Semoga rohnya ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang diredhoi Allah.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Shook!

The family dined at Shook! last night then took a walk at Jalan BB and stopped kat spot tepi jalan tu to have ice cream and tonic water.We were hosting Natalie and her husband Carl who just flew in the day before.Seronok couple ni.Yang paling excited were Nik and Z.Depa (Nik and Carl) tengah merancang nak bawak Blue Man Group ke KL.Ambitious tu

Then Nik showed them Bangsar where 'it's happening'. But yang kita nampak belakang rumah orang yang gelap gelita.Z and I dah gelak2 kat belakang (Carl duduk depan sebab dia tinggi.Nanti tak muat kalau dia duduk belakang)..sah tourist guide menipu ni. Hahaha.I think Bangsar is not happening anymore.Ke mana expats melepak now? Sri Hartamas kaa? Nat and Carl tak minum arak and they said it's hard in England sebab kawan2 tak tau respect people yang nak berhenti minum.Kesian juga dengarnya.

Z will upload pics later.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Greetings from Batu Ferringhi

Flew yesterday afternoon after a hectic day (Z had her motivational talk at her old school ~ chosen one of three of 2009 SPM high achievers to inspire current SPM candidates.All 3 were debaters who won the national championship so speeches depa memang inspiring..for 17 plus young minds)

I sat with her teachers (sungguh dedikasi walaupun hampir ke umur pencen) and chatted with them about how scholarships are won today (big organisations still favour string of As as point of entry.Then they will look at co-curricular activities at all levels especially international level.Just how much more blood and tears do they want to squeeze out of our young people? At least in the US, you get to choose which line you wanna excel in: sports ke academic...dia tak suruh buat dua-dua! Kesian ke budak2 kita.Takda langsung zaman remaja to look back to except trips to tuition centres, etc)

Anyway, Zafirah will have her phone interview with Shell on Monday.If she does not get it, at least she will have the experience of being interviewed kan? We are still waiting for the other interview results (at least 2 more and another call for another interview).

Now Penang.Sampai je I terus berkejar ke St Gregory for my body massage.Haiyo..lega rasanya.Ini akibat marathon in KL.

I will have to leave early sebab my mom is back in the hospital (high fever) and Nik is still recovering from his eye surgery (he seems fine but needs the wifely support, he says).

The meeting discusses the possibility of having Track 3 for promotion.I tak setuju sgt kalau dipermudahkan nak dapat promotion ni (via community engagement). Haiyo...nanti ada kasta pulak di kalangan Professors kita: yang itu Prof Track 1 (by research whose works are published in high impact journals etc), yang Track 2 (based on excellence in teaching and although still researching and publishing, more weightage is given to teaching) and Track 3 to those doing more in Industrial-University linkage termasuk community engagement (but work must be related to specialisation bukan yang jenis gotong royong tu). Mengarut betul depa ni (it seems US dah lama buat ni.Habis, kalau US terjun laut, kita pun nak tiru?)

I asked if we are turning academics into social workers (bukankah itu kerja NGOs) and just how many hours more do we need to get lebihan gaji celah gigi tu (about RM1K more? You can get more if you do consultancy work!) I'm glad tak lama I nak pencen or have the options of doing other things.Tak suka system mengarut ni. Inilah akibatnya bila kita ada lebihan posts: TNC yang ke empat (industri dan jaringan masyarakat) dan ministry pendidikan sampai dua. Bila takda kerja, mulalah cari kerja!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Marathon

Wei, jam 11.11 pm.Just got home from one day marathon.

The workshop for student leaders went well.Natalie sampai hilang suara! Kesian dia.So kawan2 kat ofis bought her satu balang madu to soothe her sore throat.I left mid day to Putrajaya to present our 1 IPTA 1 million employability enhancement projek (baru tau last week dik.Zurul did a nice job pruning actual budget of our other partners who drafted the proposal as well.Semua pakat I should go.Haiyo!)

So I went with all 5 agencies involved.I think it went well sebab I got everyone to speak of their prog. (harta karun kan akan dibagi 5?)Hahaha

Balik dari Putrajaya, managed to catch students' presentations.Quite impressive.Some had started to sound like some Presidents in Africa.

Hantar Nat balik Flamingo to collect her luggage.Trapped in traffic jam sampai loya.So kita took dinner dulu and I sempat Maghrib at Flamingo.Agak2 traffic dah reda, drove to drop Nat at Maya.Then Sal rang for mak's wheelchair.Haiyo..patah balik ke Gombak.

Letih lah amoi.Besok cuti.Nik ada minor surgery at SJMC (they have a new name now huh?ada aku kisah?)

Found my long lost foster family (Joan wrote me an email as response balas I cari dia melalui my old school.It's been 30 years! They have moved to Wellington and had lived in the Middle East.Nak tau Nana kita idup lagi tak.Watch this space.Nana tu mak mentua Joan yang kita anggap macam nenek kita sendiri)

Friday, April 16, 2010

Changing cultural landscape

We heard the Advisor to King Abdullah of Saudi speak yesterday of reformation taking place in the Kingdom.Very interesting indeed.Isn't Tun Mahathir an Advisor to the King as well? So when Dr Rahman spoke of knowledge-based society, I thought hell, this sounds familiar.

But it's nice that Saudi is opening up to so many things.They should lead or at least be seen to lead the ummah.Otherwise, gimme da monehhhh.

I raised the issue of high divorce rate in the country (and other rich Gulf countries).Dr Rahman said don't you believe what the media says.Hmmm.But media tu media depa juga (part of the reasons is couples marry young then discover they could not cope.Ini bukan impact of globalisation/modernisation/reformation.Ini tradition!)

Anyway, he said I was insightful when I raised my concern over family institution ((rapuh sekarang..even in Msia..kes2 buang bayi nih..semua sebab people have lost respect for the sanctity of marriage) and the need to create a balance dalam kita terkejar2 mengejar globalisation kaa, reformation kaa, modernisation kaa.

I think Bahrain has an Institute that looks at Family Institution.Ni I ingat many years ago dah ada...CEOnya orang putih.Can you beat that? Orang putih nak ngajar orang Islam bagaimana nak berkeluarga atau menjaga institusi keluarga. Malu betul.Konon kita ni khalifah.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Massive traffic jam on MRR2 ke Sg Buloh

I was stuck on MRR2 heading to Sg Buloh from Gombak for almost 5 hours yesterday.An hour into the jam, I rang up the traffic dept.The guy said he heard nothing and said it was common to be trapped at such an hour.I said no...I go through this route daily.This is mother of jams.He said oh.He'd investigate.I thought "don't we have sophisticated gadgets to detect accidents ke hapa ke when massive jam like this happens.Why so 4th world one?"

I was tired, hungry, nak pi loo, etc.So when I saw the next available sign to go back the opposite direction, I blah.Was too tired by now to take the alternative route (Duke yang mahal itu and there's no guarantee that it would not be jammed up as well yah?) So I did the wisest thing..stopped over at my sister's place in Gombak and slept over (rang up Nik to explain).

About 5 am I drove back home.

Lepas tu I rang up traffic to find out what happened (it was not in the news).The guy said bukan dia yang on duty semalam so he didn't know (how odd..again I thought don't they have records flashing somewhere in the system?) I told him I was going to call up a few Ministries to highlight a few things (like don't they have KPIs to clear up accidents within certain2 timeframe but not 5 hours! My fren sampai rumah 11 pm semalam) so can he find up what happened before I put in my report even traffic dept didn't know what was happening.

So the chap was kind enough to call me back and said it was an accident motor and kereta kat Kepong (but I went through Kepong...takda apa pun...ambulance and police car went further!) Anyway kalau motor and kereta takkan sampai 5 jam nak clear? Macam treler and treler je berlanggar!

But I emailed Dr Tan, MP for Kepong.Besok I nak call up the two ministries.It is so counter productive allowing rakyat jelata spending time and fuel so long like that just becos' there is inefficiency somewhere (and we want to know where so that we can tackle the root problem) The policeman said ini perkara biasa.My! Should we live with perkara biasa dan terus merana? When perkara burok jadi biasa, something is wrong somewhere.Someone is definitely not thinking to be better!

Monday, April 12, 2010

when network does not work

This is really kelakar.

You have 7000 bidders for a thousand placements.You need cables to be among the lucky 1000.
Know what I'm talking about?
Government or Corporate scholarships for colleges/unis.

Everyone we know, our cables in the 'right' places have switched off their handphones, tiba2 email messages 'out of town'.Nak tergelak pun ada.Dulu semua kata no problem, no problem..but if we are competing with their own children or sedara mara, it would be tough I think.I understand.But isn't it kelakar?

I'd never switch off.I'd just say Insyaallah, I'll do my best. :))
I told Z to just pray and ask Allah.Itu lagi senang.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Dr. Robert Fisk:The real journalist

Me, Shan and Dr. Robert Fisk
(during his IIUM talk)

Thanks to Dr. Isham's insight, we got to listen to the famous Independent foreign correspondent, Dr Robert Fisk. Fisk was born in Maidstone in Kent, UK on July 12, 1946 (64 years old).He received his PhD at the Trinity College in Dublin in 1985.Based in Beirut for more than 30 years, this 7 times British International Journalist of the Year is a walking history who has written at length on the origins of contemporary conflicts.Think of any trouble on Earth: Dr Fisk has covered them all: from Northern Ireland troubles in the 70s to the Portuguese Revolution in 1974 to the Lebanese Civil War to the Iranian Revolution in 1979; the Soviet War in Afghanistan, the Iran-Iraq War, the Gulf War, the Invasion of Iraq in 2003 and he will update us on the most recent coverage in a new book/doco soon, I’m sure.

Fisk is a vernacular Arabic speaker and one of the few western journalists to have interviewed Osama ben Laden, not once but thrice! Osama tried to convert him to be a Muslim the first time around and the conversation went like this:

Mr Robert, one of our brothers had a dream. He dreamed ... that you were a spiritual person ... this means you are a true Muslim."

Dr.Fisk replied; "Sheikh Osama, I am not a Muslim ... I am a journalist ... A journalist's task is to tell the truth."

Bin Laden replied: "If you tell the truth, that means you are a good Muslim."[


Fisk believes that journalists must challenge all authorities especially so when governments and politicians take us to war and that our job is to monitor the centres of power and not allow Presidents, Prime Ministers, Generals even journalists to set the narrative of events instead of challenging the authorities.

He’s a pacifist and has never voted.

Fisk is also a best-selling author whose books include The Great War for Civilisation: The Conquest of the Middle East (2005, latest edition 2007), Pity the Nation: Lebanon at War (1990, latest edition 2002) and The Age of the Warrior: Selected Essays by Robert Fisk (2008)

Fisk is on Facebook (possibly created by a fan) because he does not use emails which he describes as “the death of literature”. He still writes letters to friends and fans.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjoGLA4mVxU
(against portraying war as something NOT bad ~ something surgical. Tell war as it is! Use proper language.A wall is not a fence."Jewish occupied" not "Jewish neighbourhood", etc)

An interesting write-up on him (he's divorced.Ex was this beautiful Observer journalist Lara Marlowe)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/apr/13/middleeastthemedia.lebanon

More war drama here http://www.fromoccupiedpalestine.org/node/55

Friday, April 02, 2010

HUKM again

Some days ago I was the one who helped my mom check out of HUKM after her fistula surgery and besoknya dialysis.As always, you'd see how disconnected staff are at HUKM.I think it's just loss of passion to work their best.Can you imagine the young docs duduk bersibai atas counter (tempat nurse and doc menulis2 at the ward).It looks so unprofessional.These kids ingat depa kat sekolah menengah lagi ke? Duduk bersibai kat tepi jalan.

Anyway, in another scene I waited so long for the doc to sign my mom's discharge letter so mcm biasa, I sought permission to send her home dulu.Nurse kata not after the doc had seen her.Fair.So I waited.Meanwhile my mom komplen tangan fistula dia bengkak.Doc came and said he'd call the pakar.I went down to pray in surau level 1.When I came back my mom said pakar had come and he said can balik.Told the nurse pagi besok we'd collect doc's letter memandangkan it was getting late and doc tak da nak issue surat.My mom was getting restless and tired.

So I balik.

Then my mom's kaki and tangan got worse (bengkak).My 2nd sister yang garang tu pi call HUKM...war in mind.We went through the event and came to this conclusion: I may be in the wrong sebab jarum yang patutnya nurse/doc tanggal was still in my mom's arm! (but the doc and nurse saw..no one told me anything! And nurse knew I was going home.No one accused me of breaching any law)

Anyway, after work besok harinya, Sal and I went back to HUKM.Went to the emergency.Waited hours! Had it not been for this doctor called Ayub, I swear I'd collapse with fatigue, anger, hunger.The minute we walked into Dr Ayub's room, he was so cheerful, jovial, all those feelings I mentioned above hilang.It is this Dr Ayub also yang selalu ring up to ask how she is, etc.If only all docs have that kinda humour/PR, yang sakit akan cepat sembuh, yang marah akan tenang! We laughed so much when Dr Ayub kata antara pantang larang org sakit buahpinggang ialah jangan meminum beer.Wakaka! Mak aku tu dah 77, minum pun tak leh banyak...inikan beer.My mom said itu haram..bukan minuman kita.But she laughed too.

I think I'll email Prof Lokman, HUKM Director and give him some feedbacks.Emergency Room tu kotor, toilets hancing (I nak ambik air semayang nak semayang kat surau situ pun tak jadi..luckily I found my way to Level 2 of the Admin Building...wakaka..Jaga takda masa tu)
But I will mention Dr Ayub to Prof Lokman too.He should be an inspiration to others in health service.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Benjy

Taken from a blog but first, my questions:


1.Is this caused by a family feud? Sudahkah Benjy bercerai dgn isterinya ? (anak seorang tycoon Cina). Adakah mereka berebut hak penjagaan anak kecil itu?

2. Why was he denied a lawyer?

3.Mengapa Ben menyewa condo dan siapakah perempuan bersamanya?

4.Mengapa seorang yang begitu berbakat dan pintar jadi begini?

Semoga Ben dilindungi Allah sekiranya ini fitnah.

*******
the following is written by a very dear friend of mine, Inessa Irdayanty, and the one below, by her sister Elza Irdalynna. there isn’t anything for me to do about this predicament she and her family currently face, except to help spread the news about injustice that is prevailing right here, right now. by re-posting this note, i hope im doing her a favour – it’s the least i can do, besides keeping her in my prayers.
my heart goes out to her family. they’ve been holding on to each other and not giving up in times of adversity – and i do know for a fact that this is one very, very strong family who has been, time and time again, been thrown into the many difficulties of life. may they pull through this!
please do take the time to read. i mean it. and re-post it if possible, and if you feel strongly about this.
thank you.
*******
the latest news is, as written by Star Online,
The 800gm of “powder” found at actor Khaeryll Benjamin Ibrahim’s condominium unit in Kepong is not cocaine, said the police.
“The 800gm of powder confiscated was not cocaine and we have requested the Chemistry Department to conduct tests again,”.
why the retest is necessary, i do not know. just like how they needed about 10 plain clothed cops to rearrest my brother after the bail was posted, i do not know. and as much as i try to comprehend, i can’t.
i’m just hoping that all of this end soon enough, before my mother breaks down – she has been very strong about this; before my father speaks up – we all know how quiet he usually is; before my sister loses her patience – God knows she already has very little of that; and before my 4-year-old nephew is old enough to realise what is going on, and have these bullshit questions running through his head the way they run through mine.
thank you very much to all of you out there who are supporting us, praying for us, or at the very least ask us how we are. it means a lot to us, trust me.
one favour i would like to ask from all of you, is to please read the note below, written by my sister Elza Irdalynna, and to perhaps re-post this, if you may. please, and thank you. God bless.
——————————————————————————————————————————
On March 11th, he was arrested at his apartment’s parking lot in Segambut. Police brought him to an apartment he rented in Kepong, and after entering, claimed that in that residence, he possessed 800grams of cocaine, and 140grams of methamphetamine, and accused him of processing and trafficking, putting him under the risk of being charged under Section 39B, which carries the death penalty.
On March 12th he was remanded for 7 days. When my parents inquired if we can engage a lawyer, the Investigation Officer told us “No need”.
On March 17th, after our family waited more than an hour, we were allowed to see him for the very first time, under supervision.Again my mother asked if we should get him a lawyer, again the I.O advised against it, claiming “Lawyer tak boleh buat apa-apa sekarang. Buang duit je. (Lawyer can’t do anything now. It’s simply a waste of money).”
On March 18th, his remand was extended another 7 days. The magistrate enquired why there was no lawyer present for him, and whether he was made aware he had the right to a counsel of his choice. He replied “No.” Therefore, he requested for one, and only nine hours later, did the I.O call to inform my mother, who promptly engaged Amer Hamzah Arshad.
But the very next day, the police used their Executive authority under Section 28A that vetoed his right to a counsel. All requests made by our lawyer to visit him was denied.
Only after we complained to SUHAKAM, did the police allow Amer to visit him.On the last day of his remand.After the investigations were concluded.For only 15 minutes.
On March 25th, he was brought to court, and charged under Section 12(2) for possession of 0.24grams of metaphetamin in his Segambut residence. Nothing the police claimed they found in the Kepong residence, the cocaine and shabu that was “already packaged to be distributed” or the so called “cocaine processing mini-lab” was brought to court.
Because there WAS none.
He was released on bail. A trial date was set. He was so close to being free, and seeing his 4 year old son again.But as he was signing the papers of his release, the Plainclothes were outside waiting.
Not two steps after he came out of the bail department, without any explanation, they re-arrested him. Amer was restrained from protecting him, and only after Amer repeatedly asked them to show their I.D, did they do so. Still, no explanation was given to the family. We were merely told to go to the Headquarters and speak to Inspector Kang. The same guy who claimed my brother possessed the cocaine they NEVER found.
He never saw us, he was “in a meeting.” He wasn’t too occupied to give the press a statement, but was unavailable to see us.We were told by the new I.O for this case, and the DSP (the guy who signed the papers denying my brother the right to a counsel) that they are detaining him for 60 days under the Special Preventive Measures Act (LPK), after which, they could further detain him for 2 years if found guilty.
Guilty according to THEM. For under this act, it is a detention without trial, like the Internal Security Act. Any information gathered from “witnesses” and “investigations” will never be disclosed to him or his lawyer, or the court. He will also not be able to defend himself against any allegations. Under this act, he will never have his day in court.
On March 25th, my brother, Ben, was denied his Constitutional rights.
For 2 weeks, our family went through hell. Sleepless nights, press waiting outside our door, Ben had asthma attacks after the police delayed themselves in acquiring the requested medication for 3 days, Mama, who is a cancer patient herself, suffered chest pains and lost her voice.We felt it was all worth it, for we would be able to have him back.
But now, a new nightmare has begun.Whether or not Ben is guilty, should not be for the Police to decide. If they HAD the evidence to strengthen their warrant for re-arrest, why was it not brought to court? Why is Ben not given a chance to defend himself? How can we ever know the authenticity of these so called witnesses and their statements? If there were ANY to begin with?
Under this act, I could simply be caught for any crimes of drug offences the police accuse me of, because they can claim they have enough information (even if they have absolutely nothing) and detain me. For 60 days, for 2 years, and even EXTEND it after.
Acts like this and the ISA are licenses for ARBITRARY arrest and detention. Anytime. Anywhere. Anybody.
My family and Amer will not back down. We will fight for Ben’s right. We will speak up for all of those who were silenced before us, who will be silenced hereafter.
But we seek your help. In any way at all, help us fight this. Re-post this, write on your blogs, write to your local representative, to our newspapers, and together we shall use our voice, our art, our space, to stand up not just for Ben, but for all our rights.
Liberty is a Constitutional right. It’s time to get it back.
*******

Monday, March 29, 2010

Danial's Engagement

Another nephew got engaged over the weekends.I drove back to Raub with my Mom and her bibik.Nik got work.Z pun got work (cheh..I seemed to be the only one fit to be a driver this weekend).

Anyway, I wanted to give my mom a breather.This will be her first trip back to her home since December last year.Nasib the house was kept clean by Shahrul (the garden just got mowned.The toilets were clean).We also missed melepak2 tengah rumah (very windy cos' my mom's house is up a hill, facing the Banjaran Gunung Tahan.Very nice view indeed).

My mom's mengaji friends heard of her being home so even late in the evening, her friends were still flooding in (of cos' lotsa tears and drama as they kissed and hugged).My mom was in her element.Nampak ceria sangat.I text-ed my siblings asking if I could just leave her here and go home alone.Wakaka.My 2nd sis text-ed back saying I sounded like Malim Kundang, anak derhaka. :))

The following day was Danial's Bertunang Day.It's been a long time since I witnessed a merisik session.I tell ya, you need a pre-nup lawyer to handle the merisik session! It sounded very materialistic..how much was right..what happened if any of the two betrayed the engagement agreement...what happened kalau tak bayar penuh..etc etc...I thought the whole thing was so offensive..I would not want to start my life together with my loved one on this basis.Should not all the details be decided before the event?The event should be kept simple and sweet.But apparently the jurucakap on both sides enjoyed the negotiating...one has to have a degree in PR to do this sort of thing.I wonder if you've ever heard of the rombongan walking out of the negotiation?

Luckily ours went OK.In April the first niece (in many years) pulak will have her engagement ceremony.Unfortunately, we won't be able to attend cos' Z has her SPM award-giving ceremony (at her former school). I just sent a feedback over IIUM's criteria (they do not recognise A-s but would rather award someone with min. 7A+s and I guess it's OK if with that result, to have the next few subjects Bs and Cs) JPA punya minimum requirement for s/ship is 9A-s.TNB 8A-s.Can we respect all the As, pls? :))

Friday, March 26, 2010

Salam from KL Convention Centre

Salam!

I'm writing from a cafe at KL Convention Centre where internet is free.I love this whole place (KL CC).It is so well managed.Staff are polite, speak excellent English; toilets are clean (with bidets), suraus are well-respected (by that I mean they are clean, telekong bergantung on hangers, clean dan tidak berkulat).Hati kecil ku tertanya2 siapa punya management ini.It is really world class (I have been to Boston Convention Centre OK?) It's better than that! Sana takda surau or bidet.Wakaka.

Anyway, I did my little investigation.Alangkah hampanya.It's managed by an Australian-led management (the company has bumiputra status).Anyway, I am just happy to have this world-class facility and wish that the culture spreads to other Malaysian organisations.Even at our 5-star hotel it ain't this good.Gelas pinggan mangkuk depa pun very da Italian look.

My conference is exciting (on marketing, fund-raising, branding uni etc).Raja Nazrin officiated.I purposely pilih seat tepi red carpet agar bila dia lalu, he sees me.Wakaka...he did! He nodded.I nodded back.He smiled.I smiled back.Fuyoooooooooo....I love this Regent.Dia dah tak hensem but his charm is his intelligence.Philosophy, OK? From Oxford yah? And a string of degrees from Harvard OK?And his speech..was quoted everywhere by mat salleh and yang tak mat salleh.

I also met the VC of Brunei Uni.Another brilliant chap (and Islamic) He was trained as an ENT specialist at Liverpool Uni.So I went up to speak to him as a fellow alumna and alerted him of our gala dinner in KL in July.He showed interest in joining us.Humble orangnya.Dan kelakar.

Met VC UM for the first time.Dia pun kelakar.Nice people here.Dr Rohani and Dr Lin and I got into a woman-to-woman talk while waiting for dinner.Stripping the soul naked.Good session.Very humbling too.We are all old women who have gone through so much (at least I am going through quite a bit at the mo. with my mom.)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Al Fatihah to Sister Aminah Assilmi

I received this in my morning mail:

Salam,

For those of you who don’t know our dear sister, Aminah Assilmi, who passed away this morning in a fatal car accident, she was recently chosen as one of the top 500 most influential current Muslims in the world. She can be credited with getting us the Eid Stamp in the United States. And she has spoken often at mosques and Islamic conferences across North America; she has also been a champion of da’wah efforts,bringing many people into Islam by God’s will. May Allah have mercy upon her soul and make her grave a meadow of Paradise.

Her detailed life story is below.

Renowned female Scholar: Aminah Assilmi


Aminah Assilmi is a renowned female scholar of Islam she travels around the United States to give lectures , her personal story has admired hundreds of individuals ,she is also President of International Union of Muslim Women , the organization that has many achievements under its belt.

"I am so very glad that I am a Muslim. Islam is my life. Islam is thebeat of my heart. Islam is the blood that courses through my veins.Islam is my strength. Islam is my life so wonderful and beautiful.Without Islam I am nothing, and should Allah ever turn His magnificent face from me, I could not survive." Aminah Assilmi

It all started with a computer glitch.She was a Southern Baptist girl, a radical feminist, and a broadcast journalist. She was a girl with an unusual caliber, who excelled in school, received scholarships, ran her own business, and were competing with professionals and getting awards – all these while she was goingto college. Then one day a computer error happened that made her take up a mission as a devout Christian. Eventually, however, it resulted into something opposite and changed her life completely around.

It was 1975 when for the first time computer was used to pre-registerfor a class in her college. She was working on her degree on Recreation.She pre-registered for a class and then went to Oklahoma City to take care of a business. Her return was delayed and she came back to college two weeks into the class. Making up the missed work was no problem forher, but she was surprised to find that the computer mistakenly registered her for a Theatre class, a class where students would be required to perform in front of others. She was a very reticent girl and she was horrified to think about performing in front of others. She could not drop the class for it was too late.Failing the class was also not a choice, for she was receiving ascholarship that was paying for her tuition and receiving an ‘F’would have jeopardized it.

Advised by her husband, she went to her teacher to work out some other alternative to performing, such as preparing costumes, etc. Assured bythe teacher that he would try to help her, she went to the next classand was shocked by what she saw. The class was full of Arabs and “camel jockeys”. That was enough for her. She came back home and decided not to go back to the class anymore. It was not possible for herto be in the middle of Arabs. “There was no way I was going to sit ina room full of dirty heathens!”

Her husband was calm as usual. He pointed out to her that God has areason for everything and that she should think about more beforequitting. Besides, there was the scholarship that was paying her tuition. She went behind locked doors for 2 days to think about. When she came out, she decided to continue the class. She felt that God gave her a task to convert the Arabs into Christianity.

Thus she found herself with a mission to accomplish. Throughout the class, she would be discussing Christianity with her Arab classmates.“I proceeded to explain to them how they would burn in the fires of hell for all eternity, if they did not accept Jesus as their personal savior. They were very polite, but did not convert. Then, I explained how Jesus loved them and had died on the cross to save them from their sins. All they had to do was accept him into their hearts.” They still did not convert, and so she decided to do something else: “I decided to read their own book to show to them that Islam was a false religion and Mohammed was a false Prophet”.

At her request, one student gave her a copy of the Qur’an and another book on Islam. With these two books she started on her research, which she was to continue for the next one and half years. She read the Qur’an fully and another fifteen books on Islam. Then she came back to the Qur’an and re-read it. During her research, she started taking notes that she found objectionable and which she would be able to use toprove that Islam was a false religion.

Unconsciously, however, she was changing from within which did not escape the attention of her husband. “I was changing, just in little ways but enough to bother him. We used to go to the bar every Friday and Saturday, or to a party, and I no longer wanted to go. I was quieter and more distant.” She stopped drinking and eating pork. Her husband suspected her of having an affair with another man, for “it was only for a man that a woman changes”. Ultimately, she was asked to leave,and she soon found herself living in a separate apartment

"When I first started to study Islam, I did not expect to find anything that I needed or wanted in my personal life. Little did I know that Islam would change my life. No human could have ever convinced me that Iwould finally be at peace and overflowing with love and joy because of Islam."

Throughout these times, she continued studying Islam and although she was changing subtly from within, she remained a devout Christian. Then one day, there was a knock on her door. It was a man in traditional Muslim robe, who appeared to her as a “man in a long white night gown with a red and white checkered table cloth on his head”. His name was Abdul-Aziz Al-Sheik and he was accompanied by three other men in similar dress. She was very offended by Muslim men coming to her in nightgowns and pajamas. She was further shocked when Abdul-Aziz told her that he understood that she waited to be a Muslim. She replied that she was a Christian and she did not have any plan to become a Muslim. However, she had some questions to ask if they had the time.

At her invitation, they came inside. She now brought up the questions and objections that she noted down while she was researching. “I will never forget his name”, she said of Abdul-Aziz who proved to be a very patient and soft-mannered person. “He was very patient and discussed every question with me. He never made me feel silly or that a questionwas stupid.” Abdul-Aziz listened to every question and objection and explained it within the proper context. “He explained that Allah had told us to seek knowledge and questions were one of the ways to accomplish that. When he explained something, it was like watching arose open – petal by petal, until it reached its full glory. When Itold him that I did not agree with something and why, he always said I was correct up to a point. Then he would show me how to look deeper and from different directions to reach a fullerunderstanding.”

It would not be long before she would externally submit to what she had already been submitting to internally during the last one and half years. Later in that same day, this Southern Baptist girl would declare in front of Abdul-Aziz and his companions: “I bear witness that there is no god but God and Mohammed is His Messenger.” It was May 21, 1977.

Conversion to Islam, or to any other religion for that matter, is not always a simple thing to do. Except for a few fortunate ones, a new Muslim usually face consequences. The convert may face isolation from family and friends, if not pressure to go back to the family faith.Sometimes, a convert may even face sever economic hardship, as in the case of those who are asked to leave the house because of converting to Islam. Some converts are fortunate to continue to be well respected by family and friends, but most of them face minor to severe hardship especially during the first few years after the conversion.

But the difficulty that Aminah Assilimi had to go through and the sacrifice that she had to make for the sake of her conviction and faith is almost unheard of. There are few who could rely so much on Allah as she did, standing firm and meeting the challenges, making sacrifices,and yet maintaining a positive posture and influencing people around with the beauty of what she found and believed in.

She lost most of her friends, for she was “no fun anymore”. Her mother did not accept her becoming a Muslim and hoped that it was a temporary zeal and that she would soon grow out of it. Her “mental health expert” sister thought that she lost her mind. She attempted to put her in a mental health institution.

Her father was a calm and wise man. People would come to him for advice and he could comfort anyone in distress. But when he heard that his daughter became a Muslim, he loaded his double-barrel shotgun and started on his way to kill her. “It is better that she be dead ratherthan suffering in the deepest of Hell”, he said.

She was now without friends and without family.She soon started wearing hijab. The day she put it on, she was deniedher job. She was now without family, friends, and job. But her greatest sacrifice was yet to come.

She and her husband both loved each other very much. But while she was studying Islam, her husband misunderstood her for her apparent changes.She became quieter and stopped going to the bar. Her changes were visible to him and he suspected her of having affair with another man,for whom she must have been changing. She could not explain to him what was happening. “There was no way to make him understand what was changing me because I did not know.” Eventually he asked her to leaveand she started living separately.

After she openly accepted Islam, it went worse. A divorce was nowinevitable. This was a time when Islam was little known, much less understood for what it is. She had two little children whom she loved dearly and whose custody should have rightfully be given to her. But in a grave violation of justice, she was denied their custody just because she became a Muslim. Before giving the formal verdict, the judge offered her a harsh choice: either renounce Islam and get custody of the children, or keep Islam and leave the children. She was given 20 minutes to make a decision.

She loved her children very dearly. It is perhaps the worst nightmare that a mother can have: asked to willfully leave her child - not for one day, month, or year, but forever. On the other hand, how could she keep the Truth away from her children and live as a hypocrite? “It was the most painful 20 minutes in my life”, she said in an interview. Those of us who are mothers and fathers, especially of young children, little imagination is needed to feel the pain and torment that she must have passed every second in those 20 minutes. What added further to her pain was that according to doctors, she could never bear another child because of certain complications. “I prayed like I had never donebefore … I knew that there was no safer place for my children to be than in the hands of Allah. If I denied Him, there would be no way in the future to show my children the wonders of being with Allah.”

She decided to retain Islam. Her two dear children – one little boy and one little girl – were taken away from her and given to her ex-husband.

For a mother, is there a sacrifice greater than this – a sacrifice that is done for no material reason but only for faith and conviction?

“I left the court knowing that life without my babies would be very difficult. My heart bled, even though I knew, inside, I had done the right thing” . She found comfort in the following verse of the Qur'an:

There is no god but He,-the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as He permitteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to His creatures as) before or after or behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth extend over the heavens and theearth, and He feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for Heis the Most High, the Supreme (in glory). (Quran 2: 255)

Perhaps the air of Colorado was too thin for justice. Or perhaps there was a plan in Allah’s greater scheme of affairs. Aminah Assilimi later fought back and took her case to the media. Although she did not get custody of her children again, a change was made in the Colorado law that one cannot be denied child custody on the basis of his or her religion.

Indeed Allah’s love and mercy engulfed her so much that, as if, she has been granted the touchstone of Islam. Wherever she goes, people are touched by her beautiful words and Islamic manners and become Muslim.

By accepting Islam, she became a changed person, and a much better person. So much so that her family, relatives, and people around her started appreciating her mannerism and the faith that brought about such changes in her. Despite her family’s initial reaction, she remained in touch with them and addressed them with respect and humility, just as the Qur’an enjoins the Muslims to do. She would send cards to her parents on different occasions, but she would always write down a verse from the Qur’an or the Hadith without mentioning the source of such beautiful words of wisdom. It was not long before she started making a positive influence among her family members.

The first to become Muslim was her grand mother. She was over 100 years old. Soon after accepting Islam, she died. “The day she pronounced Shahada, all her misdeeds had been erased, while her good deeds were preserved. She died so soon after accepting Islam that I knew her“book” was bound to be heavy on the good side. It fills me with such a joy!”

Next to become Muslim was her father, the one who wanted to kill her after she became Muslim. Thus he brought alive the story of Umar ibn Khattab. Umar was a companion of the Prophet who persecuted the early Muslims before he converted to Islam. When he heard one day that his sister became a Muslim, he went out with an open sword to kill her. But upon hearing some of the verses from the Qur’an that his sister was reciting, he recognized the truth and went straight to the Prophet and accepted Islam.

Two years after she (Assilmi) accepted Islam, her mother called and said that she appreciated her faith and hoped that she would keep it. Couple of years later, she called again and asked her about what one would need to do to become a Muslim. Assilmi replied that one had to believe that there is only One God and Muhammad was his Messenger. “Any fool knows that. But what do you have to do?”, she asked again. She replied that if that is what she believed, then she was already a Muslim! At this, her mother said, “Well … OK. But let’s not tell your father just yet”.

She was not aware that her husband (Assilmi’s step father) had the same conversation with her a few weeks earlier. Thus the two lived together as Muslims for years in secret without knowing that the other was also a Muslim. Her sister who wanted to put her in mental institution accepted Islam as well. She must have realized that becoming Muslim is indeed the most healthy and sound thing to do.

Her son, upon becoming adult, accepted Islam. When he turned 21, he called her and said that he wanted to become a Muslim.

Sixteen years after the divorce, her ex-husband also accepted Islam. He said that he had been watching her for sixteen years and wanted his daughter to have the same religion that she had. He came to her and apologized for what he had done. He was a very nice gentlemen and Assilimi had forgiven him long ago.

Perhaps the greatest reward for her was yet to come. Assilmi later married another person, and despite the doctors’ verdict that shecould never conceive another child, Allah blessed her with a beautiful boy. If Allah (swt) makes a gift to someone, who can prevent Him? It was truly a wonderful blessing from Allah (swt), and so she named him“Barakah

The sacrifice that Assilmi made for the sake of Allah (swt) was tremendous. And so Allah (swt) turned in mercy to her and rewarded her with enormous blessings. Her family discarded her after she accepted Islam, and now by Allah’s mercy, most of them are Muslim. She lost her friends because of Islam, and now she is being loved by so many.“Friends who loved came out of nowhere”, she said. Allah’s blessings came upon her so much that wherever she goes people are ouched by the beauty of Islam and accept the Truth. Both Muslims and non-Muslims now come to her for advice and counseling.

She lost her job because of wearing hijab, and now she is the President of the International Union of Muslim Women. She delivers lectures nationwide and is on high demand. It was her organization that successfully lobbied for the “Eid Stamp” and had it approved by the United States Postal Service, but it took many years of work. She is now working on making the Eid Day as a national holiday.

She has tremendous trust on Allah’s love and mercy and she never loses faith in Him. She was once diagnosed with cancer some years ago.Doctors said that it was in an advanced stage and that she would live for another year. But her faith in Allah (swt) remained strong. “We must all die. I was confident that the pain I was experiencing contained blessings.” As a brilliant example of how much one can love Allah, she mentions about a friend of her named Kareem Al-Misawi who died of cancer when he was in his 20’s:

"Shortly before he died, he told me that Allah was truly Merciful. This man was in unbelievable anguish and was radiating with Allah’s love.He said: “Allah intends that I should enter heaven with a cleanbook.” His death experience gave me something to think about. He taught me of Allah’s love and mercy."

All praise is due to Allah, she continues to live in good health. She now thinks that having cancer was the greatest blessing that she ever had.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

To all caregivers in the world

I read Juneita Johari's article for the first time about a week ago.She wrote about her experience taking care of her dad.Very moving piece but it helped me see things in better perspective.It tamed my sometimes wild soul.

Last Sunday she had her column on the subject, I, Caregiver.This time on her mom.Again, very moving.I simply had to write to her to thank her for her enlightening and informative pieces.She replied right away and after a few exchanges, we are like saying this to one another: we need more people like you.Hahaha..I love her fiery spirit.Nothing like mine.Dia lagi berapi-api.She has been an activist for a long time.

Read Juneita here
on her dad:
http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/articles/20100307113713/Article/index_html

on her mom:
http://www.nstp.com.my/Current_News/NST/articles/20100313182232/Article/index_html

Friday, March 12, 2010

Tahniah to all SPM achievers

My heartiest congrats to all kids whose hard work paid off in yesterday's SPM results.I was away attending to my mom at HUKM but was home when Nik rang me up to inform me the good news (he was teary!) Z got all As in her 10 subjects (Tasawur Islam she belajar sendiri sebab no teacher and alhamdulilah, dapat A walaupun tak A plus). She got 4A+, 4A and 2 A-.I ingat dia akan dapat 6 atau 7 A je sebab saat2 akhir dia masih sibuk dgn kerja2 majalah sekolah (as Chief Editor) sampai I naik risau.Yang paling impressive what I could not do better at my SPM, she scored: Add Maths, Chemistry and Physics tapi disuruh jadi Scientist/Doctor, tak nak pulak dia.

We went out to celebrate at Alexis in Bangsar.Cod dia sedap but not the nasi istimewa..ikan bakar was cencaru (I didn't know..kalau tak I would not order) After a CAP report on cencaru, I had stopped eating it for years.Cencaru makan taik manusia (in Msian polluted sea)

Monday, March 08, 2010

Happy Women's Day

Gals, we still have a longgggggggg way to go.Guys, you better start your own movement and help educate your species (teach them to be gentlemen, respectful and kind to women)

I celebrated it by attending a lunch hosted by H.E. Penny Williams, the out-going Australian High Commissioner to Msia.Sitting at my table were Datin Frieda of Cempaka Schools (it has grown so big now with so many branches and producing world class students who win international competitions esp, in Maths).Ivy Josiah was at my table too.We touched base a little and discussed child sex industry in Msia.I told them my social worker contact told me Msia is a hub ...child prostitutes can be as young as 8 years old (in Spore I was told they fetched SD20K per nite.Kurang ajar punya jantan! Binatang!)

It is a different reality once you know Chow Kit, Jalan Alor where everything happens: drugs, prostitution, segala macam haramjadah organised crimes you can think of! Janganlah tidur lena makan sedap sangat.We are rotting!

My 6 million ringgit question is: mengapa government tak bulldoze je area ni?
Jawaban: sebab they need to sweep the dirt under a carpet somewhere.Ketidak binatang2 ini akan merayap ke KLCC, Bangsar...habis la image "bersih" satu Malaysia kita!

Happy Women's Day? Think of those on sale!

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Just another juggler

As I move in and out hospitals in looking after my mom (taking turns, that is) I bump into so many other children in my position...late night emergencies..long travels to the hospital back and forth.It really warms my heart.There is hope yet in this world as kindness and love continue to be weaved by loved ones for the beloved. It is not easy as they lose sleep, skip on working hours etc.

I had my first night at the hospital a couple of days ago.Eversince my mom got to be unwell, I would do anything but sleep at the hospital.But I decided to.If my teenage daughter could do it (and she's so spoilt), I could too.It was not easy as I packed my stuffs.First I packed the travel mat.It's too huge to carry/bring over.The Pak Guard would not allow me in.Then I packed in the comforter..tak jadi juga.Finally I brought the sleeping bag. The floor was hard and cold.That nite, my mom's room had a male intruder (kita tak tau nak tutup the sliding door so it was left open).Luckily my mom was still awake and one of the nurses raised the alarm (by chasing after this guy and asking loudly sapa ni?)

But generally, HUKM Hospital is so unfriendly (except for the doktor pakar.They are very professional and kind). But can't say much about the nurses and young doctors. Ward nurses chat loudly during patients' sleeping hours.I think patients with heart problem might mati terkejut! They are also a bit lazy.At one point, my sister yang kena cuci my mom until another kind nurse said no..you don't do that..get the person in charge to do it (and she waited to make sure the junior nurse did her work).

But nursing is tough.I kesian juga nengok their nature of work.But they work for 7 hours only then get the shift.Not bad what? But they don't seem to put patients' needs first.

Yang paling sedih was the evening my mom was discharged.I was alone (my siblings takda since depa kerap tidur kat hospital) with the new Bibik. I asked for a wheel chair from the ward.Nurse tu kata kena tinggal IC and I have to bring it up again.Helllloooo..I'm handling a sick old lady, a new Bibik yang tak tau apa2, nak tinggal my car and go up 6 floors to return the wheel chair? Where is compassion? If not ethical behaviour that befits the nursing profession?) I went down to get the wheel chair (a long way OK?).Pak Guard kata tak boleh sebab it's after office hours.Haiyoo....but lucky for me I found one tak bertuan.So I took it up and it's easier to return it back cos' my maid boleh pulang depan entrance door.

A longgggggggggg way to go , baby, when it comes to healthcare in this country.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The power of prayers

Greetings from Singapore!

For those who were with me in the last few days, I wish to thank you for your support and prayer.My mother is now discharged from HUKM after a week's trauma.As is so common with renal failure patients, she suffered delirium and we were so tried.Some bad relatives said she got hantu rayalah, this and that.We called ustaz from so many places esp from Darul Shifa' and I am most grateful to my brother in law's friend, tak ingat pun nama dia but my colleague from IIUM, Dr Samsudin is the kindest to us.He came all the way from Gombak to 'scan' my mother and assured us takda hantu atau jin atau setan.It's just effect of her illness and perasaan (mother merajuk dgn busy anak2 who seldom visit her.She has all daughters.Malangnya we are the types who take our career seriously and are always busy.My sisters yang kerja kat SUHAKAM and Sal,a school teacher, je yang consistently sacrificing their working hours for mom.I datang before and after work sahaja.Alasan: backpain)

Anyway, we are relieved she's OK now.I think the week's lesson was for us.Now everyone is making time for her.I'm in Spore cos' Spore Management Uni jemput as speaker (slot is tomorrow afternoon) and on Sunday (I just found out) I'm sitting with CEOs in a panel discussion.Aiyoo..Must ask Prof Kirp apa ke benda I have to talk on in that panel.

My charger kena curi kat airport (tak tau in KL or Spore) so I had to naik bus pi Bugis Village to buy charger.Sporeans memang macam I, tau pi balik kerja je.When asked for directions, ramai blur.But Bugis Village is nice to shop (ni yang my mak marah ni.In her delirium, she asked if I were going to Spore to makan angin dan bersukaria shopping.How alert! Even di bawah sedar)

Anyway, I am convinced in the power of prayers.Masjid UIA buat, budak2 anak angkat mak I masa raya pun prayed for her, my facebook and blog friends, even Kirp pun prayed for my mom.I'm sure Francis did too.I am so fortunate to have good and sincere friends/students.I ain't rich but I have good friends/students.Syukur and thank you all.

Now wish me luck at SMU.I'm sure orang nak tau pasal pompuan kena rotan kat Msia.Looks like I sorang je Muslim participant at the conference.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I witnessed

...today how my mom continued to slip away.They said it might just be a phase but at 77? I think it's a natural process.But there's been so much guilt in me.Why wasn't I fast enough to act when her bp hit 200? Why took her to a private clinic? To a wrong hospital? Just so because it was the most convenient for me.

I witnessed the extent of damage of bad judgment today as I spent 5 hours with my mom at the hospital.Most of the time, she failed to recognise any of us.She knew what she wanted but she could not speak.When she did, she was not making coherent train of thoughts.When she's herself, she expressed her fear of losing her sense of connectedness, still sharp and aware of the many possibilities of her ailment.

This is not the woman I know.She's too helpless, too dependent (we have to move her leg up and down cos' she has no energy to move it herself).I feel devastated to see her like this.I hope it is just a phase.But it's so true of what the Quran describes.She has started to behave like Che'ah (my 2 year old niece): when she refused food, medication.

Such is life.I pray that she does not suffer too much.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Tiger roared

Yesterday was my family's turn to wait at the emergency ward on my mom.Her bp was touching 200.I feared stroke.Bawak dia pi private clinic yang 24 hours.The doc advised kita bawak ke hospital (after giving her Adalat).We took her to Sg Buloh Hospital sebab yang paling dekat.Nasib Nik was cooperative.I bawak Z sekali (despite her protest but I had spine prob.Sapa pulak nak pegang my mom nanti?) Bless my gal.She's a good child.May Alah give her all As in her SPM. :))

Lama nunggu at the emergency.I had to nego with the counter guys suruh bagi my mom masuk dulu as she looked so doped.We thot dia dah kena stroke, staring into the air tak bercakap2, her body shivering.The staff at the hospital memang very friendly.Tak pernah jumpa hospital this friendly and kind.

We didn't go back till almost 2 am (dari pukul 10 pm!) We tried sleeping in the car at the carpark.Takut pulak kena rompak.Nik bawak BMW dia.Then we decided to balik rumah dulu.While on the high way, the ward rang to say my mom was ready to be discharged.Pusing balik.I must tabik my hubby and my gal for being so sabar.

I masuk kerja lambat sikit.Penat satu macam.I had to be on painkiller.Dah sms si Bob pasal spine I sakit balik.At the same time I made an appointment with a new chiropractor (sementara nunggu Alicia balik cuti from India).Kali ni benggali.Aida yang kata bagus.

And petang got interbiu some more.Nasib the panelists were not nasty to me.Kata orang kalau kita buat baik dgn ibubapa, Allah bayar cash.Mudah2an.

Balik from interbiu, I spent all afternoon writing my Spore paper.Tak siap2 juga.50% siap.Nanti kena prune lagi.Just throw in thoughts dulu.Prune kemudian.

I told you kalau kita buat baik dgn ibubapa, Allah bayar cash.Around 4 pm I terima panggilan saying nanti I dijemput jadi judge to one prestigious international writing competition.Yippee, syukur! This will allow me to get free literary books and chance to listen to readings.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Chinese new year long weekends

We decided to hold a kenduri khatam quran for Hafiz and Amzar at my place but later I found out, Amzar baru juz 1, nak khatam ke hapa.I don't know who fed me the wrong info.I think my mom (maklumlah dia dah mula senile, made worse by her ailment).So in the end, Hafiz sorang je khatam.Dia ni blur pulak (tak biasa Quran emas we loaned him).Akhirnya ustaz tu yang bacakan after Hafiz baca 3-4 ayat.Kelakar betul.

Macam zombie nak plan itu ini for the unplanned kenduri.Z said 70 people on both sides.I ordered 100 thinking of neighbours and orang surau.Then so many could not come so I cut the number to 80.Even then ramai family members cannot come.Haiyo..sure berlambak food.Macam zombie nak agih2kan makanan but alhamdulillah we managed to distribute.

Malam tu Z and I took Che'ah and Erfi out to the Curve (Nik pi surau to distribute food yang melambak2 tu).Can you imagine taking two below 3 years old kids out on Valentine's Day? Hahaha.I never celebrated but amidst young couples, people looked at us strangely (or becos' both were so cute esp. Che'ah? She's so adorable.I put Z's old clothes on her.Nampak comel sangat and so urbane.Hahaha)

We went shopping, ate ice cream at Baskin Robbins.The two got new clothes.I liked.Kalau ada anak besar ni, I think seronok juga but apa nak buat.Kilang dah nak tutup.Tunggu cucu je le in 10 years' time.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Tiger Year

I was in PD visiting SHELL Refining smart partners today with my team.Dr. Khairil and En. Khairuddin met up with us and they took us to meet their MD, Tuan Haji Rozano.Latino name but very Chinese looking.Very helpful as well.We may invite him to speak on branding later this year.

Dr K and K had a lot of things lined up for our kids and I hope they will benefit much.

Last nite Kak Ngah and Sal took our mom to HUKM emergency.They went at 6 pm.Came back at almost 4 am! Kesian.Bihah also got admitted cos' she was too hungry, too tired.Kesian betul.I hope Allah will reward my two sisters for their care and love for our mom.

I had to rush to PD at 7 am so tak sempat tengok my mom (but I received her at 4 am when she returned).

What a tiger year this year.My spine problem is back.I don't know what to say of Bob.Betul la kata my orthopedic...you will only delay things but without surgery, you cannot fully recover.Alicia says to wait till she sees me in April.She also told me to think twice about surgery.Byk buruk dari baik.But it can get to be so bad that I feel like going crazy with pain.Alicia suruh I pi Brunei see her guru.Ummi (my niece doctor) says I'd go for this kinda stuff to avoid OT!

I hope I'll get some rest over the long weekend (Spore paper needs to be written)

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Intellectual freedom

I was invited along with 2 other former Fulbright Scholars to be in a panel discussion at a digital video conference with famous African American poet who is also Prof of English in North Carolina, Prof Brenda Flanagan. We met at a dinner hosted by the US Embassy last year.

A remarkable poet.
A fantastic scholar.

We had fun and I got educated far more than I expected.I went in quite skeptical since it was hosted by the US State Dept, US Embassy.I thought Brenda would be so politically correct that she would only be in praise of how far the US had achieved when Obama moved into the White House.

I was so wrong.Brenda was genuine.She tibai habis, pukul mati.A true scholar who's not afraid to speak the truth.What amazed me more was the openness of the US Embassy people...Kaufman who enjoyed the session as much as us, Prof Kelly (Brenda's friend who came online to assist her in addressing some of the sociological issues to do with AA ~ African American)

Brenda addressed my questions (sent earlier via emails) decently.I asked about american black muslim writers.She said they were also responsible for enlightening AAs to things just and equal esp in the 60s and that the largest Muslim population in the US is AAs.Sonia Sanchez converted to Islam cos' of Elijah Muhammad.Malcolm X was held in high regard by most AAs.Nice kan? She paid tribute to these writers and read Sanchez's poem)

She said despite the many names which had made it to international fame (one nobel laureate win)..there's still much racism and discrimination towards AAs.Studies on AA is not extensive to all unis/colleges.If you have one or two token writers, the slave history is NEVER discussed, etc etc.

Ben was saying Prof Gates (the Harvard Prof who was arrested for trying to get into his own home and whose neighbour thought was a burglar) wrote how aids/privileges given to the so called blacks were actually not given to TRUE african americans born and bred in the USA but to first generation black immigrants from Africa, the caribbean, etc.Becos' they were former Brit subjects, they were better articulated, better educated...so they'd 'qualify' to receive grants, opportunities created for AAs.

I think AA is an interesting field to study and as we found out, is not only about America but humanity (or humanity gone wrong) at large.

By the way, the dvc was held in conjunction with Black History Month which is celebrated every February.

Alas, I finally had a nice taste of intellectual freedom in KL.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

ASA room

Not many turned up to do up the room but we managed to work on something.The kids will return this week and help paint plus decorate the room.We have decided to keep the room (space is important to academics...as it is, there is no meeting place for us to network in a lepak way) I hope the uni will not take back this room.We love it cos' there's a lot of sun coming from our glass windows and the river view...cantik.And the guys were saying senang nak pi semayang at the mosque and buy lunch afterwards.The room Rector offers memang cantik but if it means we have to get permission everytime we want to use it (cos' we will be sharing with Holdings), I think it will not be a good arrangement.Kalau uni. bagi terus, we don't mind! Wakaka.

Last week Suhaimi spoke on leadership deficit (about 8 people came..memang this is the setting.Discussions work best in smaller groups).And we did have a very lively and reflective discussion.I truly enjoyed it.

The second week we had Prof Kamal talking on Muslim intellectuals.Could not stay back for discussions so I don't know what I missed but the talk was excellent.

I have to postpone the lunch (this Fri) with our SHELL friends in PD to attend the talk on kalimah Allah (from legal perspective).That should be good.Aslam said Dr. Shamrahayu is against it but Prof Aziz Bari kata tak apa.

Spent all day shopping for furniture today.Nik wanted a new lazy chair utk nengok TV dia. I wanted to get my mom a new wardrobe.My mom and Z had flown to JB to spend a week with Mek.Z is hopeful to go shopping in Spore. If my mom is up to it, bolehlah pergi.Kalau tak sihat..takdalah.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The world is getting crazier!

It's truly appalling that even secondary schools are ranked now in Malaysia! I don't think it's fair to thousands of schools with thousands of equally hard working, self sacrificing teachers! The funny thing is all the top 20 schools are elite schools, located in rich areas and they will get RM1 million every year.It will look like the rich will get richer and more privileged.I protest!

RM1 million.Man...if you throw that kinda money to rural schools, they can do better! Give that to schools like those in Taman Tun and Bukit Damansara, it'll be like throwing salt to the sea..the schools have performed based on support from rich parents...why spoil them further?

I hope our YBs will raise this issue in the parliament!

On my homefront...an area marked for Islamic school will be developed as a housing project .The application was put in by PKNS in 1997.If the project continues, this will kill all the trees the community planted last year.Ini satu project jahat! I protest!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Breaking even and some profits!

OK folks, I finally broke even in the sales of my 1st book of poetry (published in 2006) and today is the day.Ada lebihan profit sikit (around RM200 plus). Thanks to Hidayah who bought 50 copies to teach the book in her English class (and presenting a paper in Osaka on the book).Ni mesti berkat doa anak-anak yatim semalam.Alhamdulillah and I pray that Hidayah will do well in her life. :))

Once the rest of the books (tinggal 200 buah lagi) are sold out, boleh kita start a new book project (I want to write a novel on the Rawas).

**sold 60 copies more.Syukur! Sokat: Rawa tu satu jenis clan of Minangkabau (macam group Mandailing, etc).Rawa makan orang.Hahaha, acah

Yayasan Anak-Anak Yatim Wardatul Jannah

Alhamdulillah we had the opportunity to meet up, dine and pray with 14 orphans from Yayasan Anak-anak Yatim Wardatul Jannah last night (after my medical check up at Sime Medical Centre and picking up my mom at HUKM.I took the day off.Hectic indeed.Had to call off my GERAK meeting at Rumah University.Memang tak sempat!)

I am proud of the initiatives done by concerned Muslims in the neighbourhood who founded and ran the orphanage.The kids are all below 13 years old (all boys).Kebanyakan mati bapak and mothers are too poor to care for them and are concerned with their free mingling with other kids in poor areas in Lembah Klang.Takut jadi mat pit and mat rempit so taking the 14 orphans is also saving 14 young boys from being penagih dadah, rempit boys, a nuisance to society at large etc cos' at the Yayasan, they are given better diet, more disciplined lifestyle, tuition teachers to help them with their schoolwork, ustaz who comes daily to teach them how to pray, mengaji Quran, etc.I think the founders of the Yayasan memang geniuses (they are also very rich, self-made Malay enterpreneurs.One lady volunteer ada rumah harga 1 juta..she didn't tell me but I know her neighbourhood.Memang harga rumah around that).There's hope yet in this country.I hope you will support such a project when you see one.

It costs RM600 a month to run such an orphanage.If you wanna give pls email y.wardatuljannah at gmail.com (ask for Haji Talib ~ who gave up playing golf, for the orphanage)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Haffy Birdday to me

Yup, 47 alright!


Z and I had some fun singing silly bday songs (some we heard on local radio stations).There's one that went:

Haffy birdday to you..haffy birdday to you, haffy haffy haffy birdday to you, haffy birdday to you.

We had a pre-birdday dinner last nite at Tony Roma's (Lina's recommendation then Nik confirmed yah yah he went with En Hizwani and memang sedap ribs served there) So I ordered ribs (which I shared with him...bukan nak cut cost but nak cut fat..if I share, I don't have to eat all 4s, kan?)

I cadang nak throw a party for poor kids depan rumah (flats kat rumah I) but we were so busy running around on Sunday..tak sempat nak organise.I dropped by an orphanage near my home (housed at a bungalow lot, you) and spoke to the caretakers (one Dato' yang berserban).InsyaAllah we'll have a small kenduri malam Jumaat nanti.There are 14 orphans housed at the Yayasan.But I also want to get in touch with the flat kids.Tengah tunggu Haji Ali pass me a contact no.Someone called Johari.I heard a story of a lady who lives on zakat money (RM450; RM200 goes to pay sewa flat, tinggal RM250 for kids and her and a sick husband, a mualap Cina.Yo...very da bad.How to live like that?)

My mom is now with Ummi (cucu) cos' she'll have preps for her dialysis this week.Ummi and hubby are docs so they said let the granny stay with them so they can observe masa baru2 buat dialysis ni.Betul juga,I won't be able to handle the medical needs.

We'll miss her.But I can drop by after work since Ummi lives near my uni.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Stories of my momma

My mom lives with me now.She has been living on her own (with a nephew) ever since my youngest sister moved out of the house to live in another town with her young family.We gave Momma a maid.One after another.My nephew who lives with her ever since his Momma and his Dad got divorced has just got married recently.He continues to live in that home but Mamawan (as he referred to her in his FB recently) has to leave cos' Shahrul comes and goes (attending to his own young world) and it's best if Momma lives with us in KL.

The day we got news Momma would not have long to live (she's 76 after all), every one decided my home would be the best for her.Would any child say No to her own Mom? I'm lucky I have a very supportive husband who welcomed the idea.

As my Mom gets weaker and weaker, I learn to be more caring and more attentive.We don't love openly.In fact, I think I have difficulty in expressing my love for my Momma except love is shown in giving her lavish gifts and travels.While I see how easy it is for my siblings to hug, kiss, cry with my Momma, I feel restraint in showing such emotions.Everything is so mechanical.Have you eaten? How's your day? Do you sleep well? Is there anything else you need?I sound more like a matron than a daughter.

Is there love or is there not? (I left home at 18 and got married soonest my return to Malaysia so there was no time to bond)
Am I just being filial? Just fulfilling my duty as that obedient child?

Every prayer I pray for patience and love.That I have both to care for my Momma.That I am not caring for her because I am a child and she a parent.

And you know what?
I found it.

Patience and love.

Patience as I bathed her bony body, shivering with every drop of water poured over her.
Love as I put herself first before me, cooking her hot meal before I go to work.
The reward is inner peace knowing she finishes up her meal (when she has not been eating for days)

I pray for further patience and love as we continue to live.Everytime I look at her, I think of Pretam Kaur's story in the 70s of how an aged parent moved from one house to the other because the children always had an excuse to turn a parent away everytime she was housed in one.

I hope we would never get to that point and continue to care till forever.Dengan segala keikhlasan yang ada.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Happy New Year

Gregory Calendar, that is.This civil calendar was introduced by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582.The Muslims' New Year is 1 Muharram (established earlier by Prophet Muhammad s.a.w)

Anyway, I hope 2010 will not be so challenging.I pray for strength, love and health.Iman is above all.

First day at work, my car park sign dah hilang.I reported the matter to the security.Cubaan nak curi besi ni dah lama dah.IIUM is too open for the public to come in and out.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

smart vacation

I told you we had to cancel our vacation abroad, kan? (cos' my mom isn't well) So we went Ritzy (at Starhill).We saved time on travelling.Tak payah Nik nak bising2, "Pls don't sleep.Papa ngantuk ni.Talk to me." (while driving).Lepas tu penat sakit2 badan for 6-7 hours drive out of KL.Kalau fly pulak, sibuk nak pack baju byk2, queue kat immigration, itu ini.Tidur 2-3 malam, the whole process starts again.Yang ini, pack a small bag, terus pi Jalan Bukit Bintang.Kalau ada barang tertinggal, boleh balik rumah kejap.Kalau ada emergency calls, 10 mins dah sampai.

Day 1 did facial with Z.Phuiii...tertidur2. Lepas tu lunched at Fisherman's Cove. Sedap woh the seafood.If you stay at Ritz, you get RM50 baucer.Tak lepas sorang makan pun but still, it's something.Dengar jazzy music at Shook (the last time we dined there was with mendiang Hilary Tham). Shopped at Pavilion.Walked to Sungei Wang (kenangan lama mengusik jiwa..dulu sini lah tempat paling hebat to shop.Now I can't even stand the place.Too crowded.).KL kalau Xmas..selalulah overdone.Tapi kita pun sibuk juga ambik2 gambar mcm tourists.

Day 2 the whole family went for Balinese massage at the Spa Village.Again terlena2.Lepas tu jumped into the blue pool (not their swimming pool..another pool at the spa village) Lepas tu masuk jacuzzi.Mcm berok! :))

Ritz Carlton isn't 6 star tapi bantal dia best.Kalau tidur atas dia, tenggelam woh.I have no prob sleeping.The breakfast also sedap.But service a bit slow and they don't employ too many locals.Ramai Indians from India, Indonesians and other nationals.

While melepak at Starhill, I noticed how we'd lost KL to the Arabs.Shishas were everywhere on Jalan Bukit Bintang.The music they played on the street pun Arabic.And for such a narrow road, BB tries to be like whatever avenue it is on Broadway...ramai buskers tapi meriah juga.I took a pic with one.Ada la rasa ala2 New York city kejap. :))

We left Bibik at home alone (I should not have done this.I forgot she could not read or write.If anything happened, she nak call polis pun tak tau)

And something did happen.She fell and according to her, fainted for 3 hours with blood all over.Haiyo...we had to take her to the nearest clinic to pastikan no broken bones or apa2 yang terok.We have decided to return her back to the agent.Bahaya keeping her (she fell cos' dia bertenggek atas seat toilet tu and the whole thing pecah and she fell on the floor! I never knew how she did it! Anyone with a maid, better check yours.Cara bertenggek atas toilet ini can kill.I'm told in an email of an Arab guy who did this and how toilet seat tu koyakkan his paha)

I have had berpuluh2 maids sementara nak besarkan Z but I think yang ini yang paling terok! And we didn't get her cheap you know.But I guess with the current difficulty in getting quality maids, agents ambik sapa2 depa dapat je.Yang tak tau baca, tak tau masak, yang pekak, yang benggong.May Allah protect all of us dan lindungi semua dari bencana.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Shahrul's wedding pics

the nieces (of 4th sister who passed away 18 years
ago when these two gals were very, very young)

nephew (eldest child of 4th sister) and his family

nephew (3rd sister's son) and his family

touching moment (Pak Ngah, hugging the groom, his youngest son)

Zafirah, loving the limelight as usual
(reciting Maher's poem to Shahrul and Shamsinar)
* pengapit pengantin lelaki is the groom's brother.Dua beradik je depa ni (2nd sister's sons).
Aiman (my niece's eldest son)
reading Maher's poem

Abi (my bro in law)
doing the silat (atas permintaan pengantin lelaki)

wanita2 jelita...(my niece, a banker but
so good at kerastangan.Dia yang banyak 'mengubal' hantaran)
the clan (once you get in, you can't get out.Hahaha)

3rd sister doing the renjis

7th sister doing her turn

yang ini terlepas from the ward...hahaha (Mek, 5th sister)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Such is life

The long weekends saw a very colourful wedding of one of our favourite nephews (who's the life of the family cos' he's so funny and witty).Z played 3 songs on her violin (2 of the songs the live band tolong iringkan.Nasib baik cos' dah mula nak sumbang.She had not touched her violin for almost a year!) Then Aiman and she read the translated version of a wedding poem (which was a doa actually)Maher wrote and recited in Arabic (I brought home Maher from Yemen and Hassan from Mozambique, to give them the experience of a Malay wedding.They helped carry tembaga hantaran and helped merenjis2 kedua mempelai).

Tak sempat joined the family's postmortem (I heard them laughing so much as they did it.Cerita who was responsible for eating choc. hantaran from Australia and how ibu pengantin ~ our second sister ~ dok marahkankan everyone.Masa the majilis yassin and marhaban at my mom's, byk benda tak kena (don't know where she had placed all the senduk2!).Nasib not so many people for the morning session but the food was good.

Pak Ngah arrived just in time for the merenjis2.Quite touching to see him hugging his two boys (Pak Ngah was my former bro in law.Depa bercerai many years ago.His kids were raised by my mom especially the pengantin lelaki who continues to live with my mom when everyone has left home). Pak Ngah was a good bro in law.I remember how he bought me my first roller skates and who would have guessed that his marriage was already on the rocks on my wedding day (he was the family photographer).His family (mother, siblings) pun came to the wedding (hubungan keluarga kami masih erat.In fact I think my sis and him still love each other tapi apakan daya, masing2 dah kawin lain)

I left immediately after the wedding (bibik tinggal to kemas rumah).I slept early sebab sangat penat (tak buat apa pun except to collect the wedding cake and budak2 UIA tu).So when I woke up this morning to read Mek's sms about my mom's health status, I was really in a shock. She's getting worse and when Kak Ngah rang me up sobbing..I thought she had died.Then she told me what the doc told her in the last check up (before the wedding) and how she was made to keep it a secret.My mom pun tak tau.

I went to work feeling very stressful.Tiba2 tengok someone parked at my carpark pulak.Lagi tensi! Then tengok2 one of the ustaz (a friend quite close to me).I got into a battle of words with him! Then he sms-ed me.I text-ed back.But in the end kami saling maaf memaafkan.Kelakar betul! Tapi jgn main2 bila dah tensi. Kawan boleh jadi musuh. I'm glad Ustaz ni faham my situation (I told him.But at the same time told him lain kali jgn la ambik space orang.He said sekejap je sebab nak angkat barang conference.On normal days, I would have been much more patient.Silap hari daa but he's so kind that he said he'd do a special prayer at the mosque for my mom.Isn't that sweet?)

My sisters will bring my mom to KL.She is not fit to live alone (dah berbuih mulut kita cakap.My youngest kadang2 would just bundle her up and take her to her place in Pekan).I hope we can all look after her.

Sama-sama kita berdoa that she'll live a while longer.I'm cancelling all my vacation plans.Z is so disappointed but I explained to her the situation.When things have settled down, she can go (at least to Singapore)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

the power of networking

simply beautiful!

one for the album (alums with rector and former rector of IIUM)

great food, great company, fantastic cruise

With Aadila Teoh of Spore Chapter
(at ISTAC)
I think it's one of the hotels in Putrajaya (the Pullman?)

Lunch onboard a cruise: Shamsul (lawyer at AG's)
and Dr Musa (of China Chapter)

our alums onboard 'Kelah'.Ezam is sitting next to Dr Wan


Alhamdulillah, we had a fabulous time during the IIUM Networking Lunch Cruise despite some delays on the part of the cruise management people (but the delay gave us time to catch up with one another)

A small crowd (about 40 people) but a comfortable number.Each alum spoke on their role in the society.Very impressive indeed.Some pics. (from my cheap phone)
We got to touch base with many others (even though they were not able to join us) Aadila brought home two other alums to my place (one is from Inner Mongolia, the other a revert from Johor and we did solat jumaah masa Maghrib at my place.What a nice feeling this IIUM brotherhood and sisterhood thingy! I felt the ukhwah! A great feeling indeed.Fadhlul shared with us how difficult it is to do biz in Msia tanpa ada orang2 tertentu minta "commission" sana sini.Harga RM50 million, this 'authority" suruh letak RM150 million.He gave up.He's going big on his own now.He's very particular about punca rezeki yang halal.We are happy to be connected.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Poetry reading at ISTAC

Thanks to Rohani Yusoff, I was invited to read my poems at ISTAC today but what a rushed life.Tak sempat nak kendong buku2 I nak jual. Opportunity lost. :) Anyway it was fun.Dgn izin Allah the audience was very diverse.We had scholars from Muhammadiyah Uni, Yogyakarta (Rectornya pun present, babe) and ISTAC scholars termasuk Dr. Omar (American revert tu).I had nice questions and they showed their kind appreciation of my jottings (which I call poems).

I wish I brought my Malay ones but in a world like ours (where the medium of instruction of an Islamic institution is ironically English) I am always doubtful of the usage of Malay in such a setting (can't be sure if the audience would be Malay speaking or not).Isn't this terok?