Monday, November 13, 2017


As I enter the convo environs at IIUM Gombak, I tiba2 rasa sebak. Today would mean so many things to so many people whose children, grandchildren, brothers/sisters are graduating. Farhan is one of them. Sal and Daud would be beaming with joy, maybe lots of tears too. Farhan was our reliable driver when Mak or Irshad was going in and out hospitals. There were days Sal or I would be so tired to send mak to dialysis so all we did was call Farhan to pick or send mak or teman Irshad at the hospital/s.Both died the same year. Today all the memories came rushing. Sometimes I wonder if ever I got out of the sadness of it all.

I hope Farhan will go a long way. He's such a responsible young man.I'll see him after the convo kejap lagi.

On another family news, Z took the two gals out to a book launch yesterday with Hanna. Ajir pun kecik2 dah pandai nengok pompuan lawa! Tiba2 he rushed out to the gate in his nappy and tried to attract Hanna's attention. Haha. Selalu kita datang dia buat tak pada. Hamboi budak 3.5 tahun ni! Then Nadra said this to Z, "Wow, your friend is beautiful". Then addressed Hanna and told her this: do you know that when you are beautiful, people will do everything for you?". I wasn't there but when Z told me this, Nik and I macam ternganga. She is only 5 years old. Mana dia belajar philosophy ni? Haha. Hanna went ho yeah? really? Will you do everything for me? She said sure.
Maybe I was right when I associated her with philosophy so early when she was barely 2 (read my old blog entry on her a few years ago)

We may have a genius in the family.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

The guts (and wisdom) of saying No

I have been saying a lot of Nos this year because I'm prioritising my health and trying to reduce my stress level. Rupanya memang ada ayat Quran di mana Allah highlights how people sibuk bekerja sampai lupa adanya Allah (something along this line). When I saw that ayat for the first time, I thought wow..and kita lupa why kita solat 5 waktu di tengah2 kesibukan kita bekerja (supaya kita ingat Allah). Tu pun solat tergesa2 mengejar entah apa.So now when I solat, I tell myself, I'm going to have a conversation with Allah. Boleh focus better dan tak tergesa2 solat cos' we have to respect our conversation with Allah.

I hope once the Nov event is over, I have some space to go back to my Rawa research and write overdue papers. Dengan berat hati I said no to the asean gathering in Manila in Dec and no to the women's summit which Prof Ruzy had kindly invited me to be part of (and meet first ladies, katanya)

It was a struggle in saying those Nos but I feel less stressed out cos' I have fewer responsibilities while doing tonnes on-going ones.

I'm still looking for sponsorships for the Nov event.If you know anyone who wants a tax exempted event, the details are here

Terima kaseyyy!

Monday, October 16, 2017

and dreams are mine

I cuti sejak Friday. All I wanted to do I did then and over the weekends. Balik Raub and see my two sisters who are still living in Raub.Yang sorang in the and out...even when she was in KL, I tak sempat ziarah..busy with guests from everywhere (which was also work).

Alas, balik beloved hometown! Letrik pulak takda.Air pun takda. Hadoi. Called TNB HQ beritau mengapa bila time nak caj kita kemain mahal dan tak boleh terlambat bayar sikit pun..bila supply putus..kemain lama..di mana servicenya? Masa I called KL, dah ramai yang called. Janji 3 pm ada supply..4.15 pm baru ada. We checked into a hotel cos' both sisters were away..sorang in the hospital, sorang lagi walaupun baru balik dari haji..pi berjalan ke Melaka pulak. We ate at Angah's.Satay Harun yang dimakan oleh Obama masa dia dtg Msia.Wahhh..memang sedap rupanya!

Bonded with Umaira and Sophia. Senang sangat nak menipu budak berdua ni.Haha.They would tail me suruh cerita hantu.So I created a few. :)

On Sunday I woke up early to go to Pekan Ahad Raub nak pi cari tempoyak. The ones I bought were much questioned..kot campur pisang ke (since durian tak menjadi this year). I bought things yang susah dpt in KL..rebung...petai..makcik tu kata I kena tu jual petai muda with no mata. Haha..lantak le..asal rupa petai. Tapai..we had breakfast at Kak De's. Tengok2 Fateh pun ada (cucu aruah Mek). Dia ni mmg bijak bdknya.Patut le aruah always mentioned him. Fateh itu.Fateh ini.He got up early..siap bermandi dan berbedak dah. So I gave him Van Gogh's chocolates (kasi sikit2 cos' simpan yang lain for others). He kept coming back for more. I gave more than others. Then I asked him: do you know me? He said tak. I said ohh lepas awak mkn chocolate saya byk2, awak rupanya tak kenal saya siapa. He said alaa..cokelat awak tu sikit sangat. I laughed mcm nak rak.He's only 4.Maybe 5. Then we went to visit kubur my parents and my sisters and other family members. Fateh pun nak ikut. He wanted to show a beautiful tasbih to his wan. Mmg sampai kat kubur he showed the tasbih kat wan dia: Wan...saya ada ini.. Luluh my hati.

And he got attached to me. I left Kak De's to Long's (discharged now). Fateh told the parents jom kita pi rumah Wan Dah. My sister said Wan Dah takda kat rumah.Fateh said kita pi tengok je if her slippers are infront her home..kalau takda, kita balik lah. Haha. I think I reminded him of her Wan Mek. Wan Mek rajin layan budak (and suka bergaduh with budak.Me and Fateh were like that..dia dok cerita ada momok sana sini..I said you ni asyik momok ..momok..he said betul..he saw a black momok at his house..warna hitam.Haha.Macam2 si Fateh ni)

Looks like we would be visiting JB more often now. I have a new pet.

Monday, October 02, 2017


End of 2nd week of the mobility prog. The week was busy with dining out and taking some students to buy books at Silverfish Books in Bangsar. By Friday, I started to have a sore throat and a bit of flu but rode on the bus to Melaka with the group.Only Amir came along. We stopped at Mini Msia..saw the show..Dylan and Brooke were at ease doing the Iban sumpit and dance. Then a few went up to joget. I tengok jelah. Dah tak terjoget dah at this age! We took the cruise down Melaka river and stopped at Jonker's. I went to rest at the 1824 surau.Dah penat dah. Then we shot off to the floating restaurant at Umbai to eat. Only a few of us ate. Tak tau lah dah kenyang ke takda duit ke.I tak daya nak fikirkan semua but we enjoyed our black pepper crabs, sotong tepung, ikan bakar and nasi lemak and sayur kangkung belacan.Some spotted ular laut.Entah iya entah tidak.

Then off to PD.Nik and Bibik had arrived.Thank God.4 rooms and the boys tidur bawah.The gals tidur in 2 rooms..berhimpit2.Biar dia belajar cara kampong but air-con semua working well and attached bathrooms.The best thing was the private beach! Sabtu show at audi museum tentera darat.Fun gila.The army guys were helpful and lawak. We all enjoyed being there.Malam we buat barbecue.Sal came to help.Siang tu she helped arrange a wonderful by the beach lunch.Pretty giler and so nyaman. I want to come again to PD.

On Sunday I terjun laut.Warm water. Oh heavens! Then we went to visit forest reserve and kg orang asli ..syok juga.Pas tu lunch at Muslim Chinese restaraunt Cik Salim kindly took us..he's from the Forest Reserve.Baik dia nak tunjuk kami jalan pi sana sini.

Nasib Nik datang.I jumped ship..balik dgn dia. Letih dah naik bas.Haha.Amirlah yang jaga dia orang pulak.

Today Monday they did the mosque tour.Dan belajar ambik wudhu. Then they went to see org solat Zohr from tingkat 3.I thought tonight was my dinner with Sreya. She said hari ni 2nd bkn 3rd Oct.That's how lost I am with time.

And a couple of people on campus are not helping me do my job.Kerja penat lagi rasa penat. if it's just to show your authority..not now, please. Forget control OK? Respect people's wish. We don't do things for fun.

Monday, September 25, 2017


It cannot be any busier than this month and next! Alhamdulillah I survived the first week of the mobility prog with Ioana (and her 12 students!). We got the culture show on with the students playing the gamelan sweetly last Friday and them performing/reading wonderful pieces of creative works/poems..iium felt like a real international uni.

Then I finally was able to sit through Ioana's creative writing workshop on Friday belah siang.I learnt so much cos' she made writing poetry not only easy but intelligent and fun.

I'm eating out more now with guests coming in and out.Last night Zac pulak on a short notice ajak berkumpul..mana yang sempat.So Shef, Jai and I makan roti canai/capati and minum teh tarik at the mamak's near my house (I had a long day but not easy to see friends from outside KL right?)

Next week Sreya from Spore and Dixons from NZ pulak. Penat juga. Mlm ni Kak Pah. Weii..the stars must have crossed each other ni.

I have a few papers to write for nxt week and Nov. Hadoi. I better start  planning my early retirement now. I have the energy but no longer the strength (memetik kata my yoga teacher. : D )

Ikutkan napsu, lesu.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Nilai sebuah nyawa

Sebuah nyawa? Takkan sebiji nyawa?

Anyway, on the way to work, I saw kasut bertabur di jalan and the road was blocked.An accident.I thought gosh..kena lalu tepi mayat ke..I went past it..ternampak satu batang tubuh terkujur.I thought oh no! But from my rear mirror, alhamdulillah, mangsa tidak mati..nampak dia bergerak2 lagi.

I have been thinking about this a lot: kenapa harga nyawa begitu rendah and mcm tak bernilai di negara ini? We have no respect for people who ride to work/home. If only the authorities dedicate one lane just for motorbikes, kan semua orand selamat.Takda la they zig zag membahayakan diri sendiri and orang lain. Coming home from The Netherlands, kita tengok betapa gomen mereka begtu teliti in setting up the infrastructure especially for those working. I was told that a bicyclist has more right than a car driver etc when hit..regardless salah siapa.The Bicyclist is always protected.

And the news of young kids mati terbakar at a tahfiz bukan kat ulu Pahang ke ulu Kelantan Keramat OK? Apakah tiada fire safety utk anak2 yang belajar di jalan Allah ini?We should be angry.Should feel disgusted for those who created tahfiz sebab nak dapat easy money.If they were sincere, they would think of all the necessary stuffs to ensure semuanya selamat.

There are so many things to be angry about in this country. Dah la PM dok flaunting mcm Msia ni kaya sangat. If only he knows some kids at the uni cannot do more courses cos' tak cukup cikgu or some teachers are overburdened with more teaching hours sebab tak cukup staff, would he feel for the rakyat? Would he even understand what it is like to be poor and overworked?

Monday, September 11, 2017


The two entries on my Dutch trip do not justify the extensiveness of our two-week visit. We were going from one place to the other practically every day.Itu pun ada hati to visit Germany but dah tak larat.

It was getting  colder so I was looking fwd to sunny Msia again. Sampai Ahad petang. Besoknya (today) pi kerja jam 8.30 am.Tak terasa jetlag.Must be the Dutch tea prescribed by the tea guy at The Hague.Pahit bukan main but I got up not feeling my body ache. Letak ganja ke hapa?