Remembering Tam...

She was my 4th (of 8) sister.She had a masculine name but we called her Tam cos' her skin was darker than other siblings in the family. She was always the odd one out. While my other siblings chose to go to English schools, she chose to go to Sekolah Melayu (in those days). Her friends called her Bob cos' she was a bit tom boyish.

When she was 19, my mom wanted her to marry a long lost relative.Like a good daughter she was, she obliged (but not without some initial resistance).But she was pampered so much by her husband and travelled to a couple of countries which included the UK and Egypt.I think she was happily married and so blessed by Allah. She was going in and out the istana and mingled with very important people. She loved beautiful things and like a true Rawa, she loved gold.

Tam was a generous being.She bought me a nice gold necklace and my young infant a gold chain with her name. Zafirah was 9 months when Tam died in a car crash.At the age of 34.I remember the day well.

And today, after almost 16 years, I thought of her on my way to work (I think of her everyday but today the pain was as fresh as the day she died).I thought of her in this painful manner because the radio was playing her favourite song about a boy saying farewell to a dead friend.

Tam has 3 children who looked after themselves after her death.Her husband refused to remarry and is almost blind for all the memory of her and too much crying. Baraqah (who was 2 when the car crashed) has just gotten her SPM results and is looking for a uni. placement.I hope she will find some place somewhere and get to do what she wants to do (Accountancy). Baraqah was the family finance controller and it is no wonder she is so good at Accounting and Mathematics.She had been playing with numbers and balancing sheets since she was in Standard 1.

Her eldest brother missed out on college cos' he was looking after the younger sisters. I hope when the gals have finally settled down, he would have his own space for himself.

I think we have much to share. Whatever wealth, comfort we may have, it is not ours.There are others who need it more than us.

To Tam, al fatihah - in memory. Thank you for preparing my picnic meal when I was 15.Thank you for doing the cukur when Zafirah was a month old (no one dared cos' she was too tiny).Thank you for telling me I was actually going through labour pain and advising me to go to the hospital the night I cringed with 'stomach ache' (9 months pregnant). Thank you for the last buffet you got the family together just hours before you died. I still remember you waving goodbye with a happy smile on your face because everyone was home for the buffet you prepared. It was your way of saying goodbye to us.As though you knew.Hours later, I received a phone call from Daud saying that you were involved in a car crash.I was hopeful you would survive but seconds later, another call saying you had left us.

Thank you for being such a loving and supportive sister, daughter, aunty to so many who still think of and love you.Even in your absence.