...today how my mom continued to slip away.They said it might just be a phase but at 77? I think it's a natural process.But there's been so much guilt in me.Why wasn't I fast enough to act when her bp hit 200? Why took her to a private clinic? To a wrong hospital? Just so because it was the most convenient for me.
I witnessed the extent of damage of bad judgment today as I spent 5 hours with my mom at the hospital.Most of the time, she failed to recognise any of us.She knew what she wanted but she could not speak.When she did, she was not making coherent train of thoughts.When she's herself, she expressed her fear of losing her sense of connectedness, still sharp and aware of the many possibilities of her ailment.
This is not the woman I know.She's too helpless, too dependent (we have to move her leg up and down cos' she has no energy to move it herself).I feel devastated to see her like this.I hope it is just a phase.But it's so true of what the Quran describes.She has started to behave like Che'ah (my 2 year old niece): when she refused food, medication.
Such is life.I pray that she does not suffer too much.
6 comments:
sabar dr. ni sume dugaan..
Xlan: thks for your support.It is a very difficult time for me.But Allah is the most merciful.We are emotionally prepared as we are given the opportunity to care for her.
dr faridah, you and family is in my thought and prayer. hope you stay strong during this difficult time. i dont know how i would react myself in such situation; im glad however that you & family get to be around her and support her in the best way that you guys can.
ditto xlan: sabar.
Dear all,
Thanks for your kind words.Pls recite yassin or alfatihah for Hajjah Mastah Idris, a mother who would remind you of your own.Let us all pray for all mothers in the world as one lies helplessly in one hospital bed this side of the world.It is so sad I cannot take leave cos' the Ministry people are on campus doing their auditing this week.I will take time out soonest I can.I am not sure if I am able to be at the Spore conference.Must email the organisers of possibilities.
salam Dr Faridah...be strong...
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