While everything is still fresh and raw, I'd be jotting down notes because the intention to write a novel on my mom's life is real and strong.May the book see the light of the day.
I was talking to one of my neighbours today and she told me about her late mom as well (of the same gen with my mom...children of the war). Her mom's stories are much more interesting: she came from Indonesia naik tongkang kecik...boat tu terbalik...she lost her brother and saw tangan terkapai-kapai minta tolong diselamatkan.That picture of death stayed with her till she died.My neighbour was saying they didn't know her mother developed schizophrenia till she was in her 50s...as the kids were growing up..they remember her as always sleepy and kuat tidur.Rupa2nya she was taking anti-depressant which made her sleepy all the time.Like mine, her mother was also a dialysis patient.I think it would be more trying to care for her than we did with our mom.But we both agreed that when Allah chose us to care for our moms, it was an amanah.Jangan kita complain.My nephew who took care of his dad said there was more rezeki when he took care of his dad than now...when he's gone.I notice this too.When my mom was alive, duit in my handbag berlebih-lebih sampai tak cukup tempat nak simpan.Semalam yang tinggal small notes je...lunch pun tak sempat.
But I want to jot down about the different ways my siblings grieve.
I think we were all overwhelmed by guilt after my mom passed away.The day after the night funeral, my siblings yang jarang visit my mom while she was living in KL rushed to the kubur early in the morning.Biasa bangun lewat. It was a sign of guilt cleansing.
My Kak Ngah who is always in denial and fearful of my mom dying sanggup went on a day trip to KL to bergolek-golek on my mom's bed at Sal's place.Malangnya Sal had changed her bedspread cos' she thought if mak keluar hospital nanti, she'd go back to her place.
Me? I yang jarang memasak ni tak berhenti-henti memasak as though trying to convince myself it's the same home mcm dia masih ada.Of cos' it isn't cos' the voice telling you what to do, asking you to speed up doing things, this that is no longer there.
When we went back to KL, Sal and I (whose homes were the most spent places for my mom) were texting each other of how sad we felt.Orang lain takkan faham.That's what my psychologist friend said - no one will understand your grief.
My friends at IIUM recited al fatihah during their premier workshop for management leaders at Awana on Tuesday.How sweet.Kak Oni told me that the day before they did that for Prof Aziz Berghout's mother who died in Algeria.Masa Kak Oni rang to ask how my mom was, I was in the surau to solat Zohor, 30 or so minutes after her demise.We both broke down on the phone.Kak Oni so overwhelmed...dia yang letak phone dulu.Looking back I thought how kelakar! Two usually strong women akhirnya kecundang! She must have thought of her own mom who died of cancer.
I was talking to one of my neighbours today and she told me about her late mom as well (of the same gen with my mom...children of the war). Her mom's stories are much more interesting: she came from Indonesia naik tongkang kecik...boat tu terbalik...she lost her brother and saw tangan terkapai-kapai minta tolong diselamatkan.That picture of death stayed with her till she died.My neighbour was saying they didn't know her mother developed schizophrenia till she was in her 50s...as the kids were growing up..they remember her as always sleepy and kuat tidur.Rupa2nya she was taking anti-depressant which made her sleepy all the time.Like mine, her mother was also a dialysis patient.I think it would be more trying to care for her than we did with our mom.But we both agreed that when Allah chose us to care for our moms, it was an amanah.Jangan kita complain.My nephew who took care of his dad said there was more rezeki when he took care of his dad than now...when he's gone.I notice this too.When my mom was alive, duit in my handbag berlebih-lebih sampai tak cukup tempat nak simpan.Semalam yang tinggal small notes je...lunch pun tak sempat.
But I want to jot down about the different ways my siblings grieve.
I think we were all overwhelmed by guilt after my mom passed away.The day after the night funeral, my siblings yang jarang visit my mom while she was living in KL rushed to the kubur early in the morning.Biasa bangun lewat. It was a sign of guilt cleansing.
My Kak Ngah who is always in denial and fearful of my mom dying sanggup went on a day trip to KL to bergolek-golek on my mom's bed at Sal's place.Malangnya Sal had changed her bedspread cos' she thought if mak keluar hospital nanti, she'd go back to her place.
Me? I yang jarang memasak ni tak berhenti-henti memasak as though trying to convince myself it's the same home mcm dia masih ada.Of cos' it isn't cos' the voice telling you what to do, asking you to speed up doing things, this that is no longer there.
When we went back to KL, Sal and I (whose homes were the most spent places for my mom) were texting each other of how sad we felt.Orang lain takkan faham.That's what my psychologist friend said - no one will understand your grief.
My friends at IIUM recited al fatihah during their premier workshop for management leaders at Awana on Tuesday.How sweet.Kak Oni told me that the day before they did that for Prof Aziz Berghout's mother who died in Algeria.Masa Kak Oni rang to ask how my mom was, I was in the surau to solat Zohor, 30 or so minutes after her demise.We both broke down on the phone.Kak Oni so overwhelmed...dia yang letak phone dulu.Looking back I thought how kelakar! Two usually strong women akhirnya kecundang! She must have thought of her own mom who died of cancer.
