I took leave till merdeka. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically tired. Tapi dalam hidup, macam-macam nak kena selesai. Yesterday I spent time shopping and doing facial (a form of therapy..the week Mek died, Z took me out to buy wedding gift for Kiah's son.She belanja me fruit juice and was shocked I asked for two glasses..tangan penuh pegang detox juice and energy juice.Then as we passed Italianies, I commented salmon pizza dia sedap.Z asked nak stop ke? And we ended up lunching there.In a recent lunch between Z and her cousin, Ummi..they said in my grieving, selera tak patah. :D)
Today I wanted to send my car to the service centre.No walk in this merdeka week.They said Sri Dsara branch ada walk in today.I put my waze on dia bwk pi Kepong.I thought my waze dah gila so I patah balik.Lucky ada jalan lain cos' MR2 was at a standstill). The service centre with a Sri Dsara add was really in Kepong (I found out later). Why can't people be honest with everything?
There you go...all signs of grief are still with me...denial, anger, guilt.Ni tengah anger and guilt stages. My advice is anyone going through grief is to get someone to talk to..verbalise your feelings..rationalise them...accept that ajal di tangan Allah no matter what...whether you gave your best or not...bila sampai masa, nothing can delay. I think it's a bad idea not going to work cos' I end up thinking, reflecting and remembering more.I slept but I woke up with this deep hole in my heart.
Zarida wrote to say 6 years after her sister died (also of cancer), she still cried. Zariani and her were close.
Here's a reminder: we do not own anyone. We cannot own anyone. We cannot even own ourselves. Dari Allah kita datang, kepadaNya kita kembali.
I need to internalise that and move on with life.
Today I wanted to send my car to the service centre.No walk in this merdeka week.They said Sri Dsara branch ada walk in today.I put my waze on dia bwk pi Kepong.I thought my waze dah gila so I patah balik.Lucky ada jalan lain cos' MR2 was at a standstill). The service centre with a Sri Dsara add was really in Kepong (I found out later). Why can't people be honest with everything?
There you go...all signs of grief are still with me...denial, anger, guilt.Ni tengah anger and guilt stages. My advice is anyone going through grief is to get someone to talk to..verbalise your feelings..rationalise them...accept that ajal di tangan Allah no matter what...whether you gave your best or not...bila sampai masa, nothing can delay. I think it's a bad idea not going to work cos' I end up thinking, reflecting and remembering more.I slept but I woke up with this deep hole in my heart.
Zarida wrote to say 6 years after her sister died (also of cancer), she still cried. Zariani and her were close.
Here's a reminder: we do not own anyone. We cannot own anyone. We cannot even own ourselves. Dari Allah kita datang, kepadaNya kita kembali.
I need to internalise that and move on with life.
4 comments:
Kak F
betul. Kita tidak memiliki apa-apa.
Mawar: harus memikirkan secara serious bekal apa kita nak bawa ke seberang sana.
Kak F
ya betul. Fikir dan bertindak segera.
Allah.
One happy fact that keeps me intact when grieving, that someone we loved is now in a much better care with God
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