News from the hospital

When we left Mama last night, her bp had picked up.Normal.Pagi ni dropped drastically to 93/13.Docs said semua organs have failed.Just be ready.

So, everyone ambik cuti and sat with her.I duduk kat rumah sebab still tak boleh bawak berenyah.Trying to add more iron in the body..Bibik masak sayor air bayam campur seaweed.Sedap lah pulak.Then, I googled resipi sira labu.I need the fiber and labu is rich with fiber..nak buang any toksid or radicals in the body.Aminah came to do my acupuncture.Cuba rehat.

Bibik told me pasal keluarga India depan ward Mama.The father pun on life support.Anak perempuan dia ambik unpaid leave for a month nak jaga bapa dia.She said kerja senang cari but if her dad mati, susah nak ganti.Mulianya anak ini.I ada ramai kawan bukan Islam yang quit their job nak jaga ibu atau bapa yg sakit.Seorang Prof Madya salah seorang darinya.Dia buat tuition di rumah utk cari rezeki.Dia jaga mak dia sampai mak dia mati.Puas hati, katanya. Ramai anak2 Melayu...nak cuti sari pun berkira sometimes.Meetings mcm tak sah kalau dia tidak hadir.Peringatan ini buat diri saya jua.

Family matters

My eldest sister aged 60 something got married on Sunday.We left for Raub just before Maghrib after picking up the wedding cake from Nurul's.Bentuk Masjid Raub.

We all slept at Long's place.Ijat was also celebrating his 12th bday so lots of foods and lots of noise.Syok juga playing with my cucu saudara.

Before we left, we visited Mama at the hospital.Her bp very2 low.I tak sedap hati.I told Nik we can balik malam if he needs to spend more time with her mom (who had been sleeping for days now tak bangun2 or sedar2... Doctors would soon feed her on the tube).

Sunday: the akad was at 11 am.I penyambut tetamu with Ummi (Long's eldest daughter.The other daughter,Adik is down after her surgery for bone spur...macam2 sakit now in the family).The caterer lambat sampai...about 200 guests waited restlessly for food dlm panas tu.I pun dah tak larat nak jaga water face.Haha.Halim...Long's neighbour also our relative and wali hakim..young chap who could have been a family member but my youngest sister dah ada pilihannya...no jodoh.Halim's the one yg jaga bapa dia from A to Z tu..from paralysed sampai boleh jalan balik.He's now a school principal.Halim got panicky with us,"Kak Kiah ni tak suruh saya tolong...we have our own caterer in this area..very reliable," kata Halim.I said maybe makan pukul 1 pm, kot? Tu sbb diaorang tak sampai lagi.Halim said no...kat sini org mkn pukul 12 noon.Oh.

I met his mom...she skrg duduk memondok.She told me about it...ramai kawan, tenang, freedom to do tanpa menyusahkan anak2.When she rindu cucu2, all she has to do is call Halim.Haha, so cute.Ah well....family tak jadi.But we are all related anyway.

Ptg tu masa balik...phone tak berhenti2 berbunyi,The final one was from Kay,sobbing on the phone saying Mama nazak.We were still on the Karak highway.I tak berani ckp apa when I saw Nik cry.We should have bertolak awal from the wedding,I thought.But my own family pun jarang berkumpul.My 6 sisters were all there.Kita semua ber make up with pengantin.Nana, my nephew's wife was a part time jurusolek pengantin before the kids arrived.Apa lagi, semua menghulorkan wajah jelita kita untuk digerodam.Tak jumpa our mother..ibu pengantin sibuk berjumpa sanak saudara.Hilang in the crowd. :))

Back at the hospital, all family members were in tears.Wires, tubes everywhere on Mama.She's on life support already.Dia masih tak sedar.Then relatives started pouring in.Family friends.Mcm wedding juga...buka cerita while waiting outside the ward.This was the time I learnt that I ni sebenarnya boleh tahan famous...(tanpa rasa riak but more rasa lucu).Zahari and wife told me colleagues dia (Zahari...who works with Jabatan Metereology...we have always been in awe of Zahari.He's a Math genius.Salah satu anak Melayu yg graduated in Math dgn cemerlang in the early days of UM) asked him how he knew me.I asked say what? I do not know anyone in your field.He started mentioning a few names.You know me...mana nak ingat.He said puspanita..did I ever give them a talk.I said takda la pulak..silap orang kot? Anyway, I told them another funny story...was visiting a friend's son who was in coma at HUKM.Nurse tu tanya my friend, itu Dr. Faridah dari UIA ke? Macamana Puan kenal dia.Kah3...but seram juga ya? I have done my best to stay low profile in recent years.

Here I am before Subuh cos' Z woke me up thinking I was online.Budak tu bertuah sungguh!

The hospital scene

Pagi semalam I rolled on the floor in pain...my endometriosis attacking me...it wanted to come out but ubat tahan darah tu pun strong juga hence the strong contractions...masa nak bersalinkan Z dulu pun tak sakit macam ni.I thought it was time for me to go...

So Nik drove me to Sime Darby Medical Centre.I asked to see the doctor first.Lucky we went early so I got to see Dr. Christina Tai.I had googled her b/ground.Memang endometriosis bidang dia.And her patient's testimonial on the hospital homepage pun convincing.She's very decisive.Mula2 she was like working against the time..ckp laju cos' I sensed she tak mau clients kat luar tunggu lama.I rasa tak syok sikit.But she'd call you again in between time to explain further so in the end,you'd feel like she was listening to your pain, worry and all.

In fact, she called Nik separately to give a separate advice.Kah2.I wonder wht she told him.I was very stressed up masa tu..nak inject, tak boleh, nak itu, tak boleh...and pulak the boys in the lab kena ambik my darah sampai two tubes..the first tak betul buat.I was in a lot of pain kena cucuk sana sini.Dr. C suggested I buat d&c right away.I said noooo.My first experience 26 years ago was a bad one.Sampai today sakit.So she said ok..these days doctors have to listen to what patients want...you tell me what you want to do.

I took some time to think about stuffs. When I decided to do the d&c, nurse kata OT fully booked semlm. Can I do it on Friday, she asked.I said Monday sebab Saturday ada wedding (my 60 plus sister is remarrying and I'm the cake carrier).Set!

But when I saw Dr. C again, she said no...must do today.She'd get the OT..bdk2 tak tau the urgency of it, she said. Wow...mana nak cari doctor macam ni? Syukurlah.

So sat tu, they took me away to the Day Care to prepare me for the procedure.It's supposed to be a 15 mins thingy je.But if you were a woman, your womb is everything.Sekaya2 lelaki, sekuat2nya mereka, sehensem2, semacho3, Allah does not give them a womb.So we women must take care of it.Allah gives it only to women.Men are incomplete.:))

Anyway, masa they took my things one by one, terasa wht death was like.The final thing they took from me was my glasses.And I had ntg left on me except pakaian hospital.At the OT, they just gassed me up.Tak bagi salam pun.Just perkap my face with topeng gas.I was like ikan emas terkeluar from the bowl.Take this off me, I signalled and mumbled...I heard someone said..no dear, you have to breathe in and outttt...

Then there was nothing.

When I woke up, I knew things were done and felt syukur.But eh...where's the pain I had 26 years ago? Had I gone paralysed? Had they taken out my womb? I felt nothing.I got scared.

Sampai today jam 10.40 am day 2 after d&c.Either GA effect has not worn out or Dr. Christina mmg bagus! Apapun it goes without saying rahmah Allah sangat luas.

I better shut up and say alhamdulillah.

2nd day mc

I can only see my gynae tomorrow (her schedule is full) so I went to collect my mc at Tropicana.Felt so groggy so I stopped at Customer Service to do you know what (evil grin).Jenny mmg my kinda A plus staff.I told her that I had to come just to get my mc when I should be resting in bed.She jotted down everything I said and sebelum I minta dia tolong pi Level 2 ambil my mc, she said I'd get it for you, you wait here, OK. This is service.I must have looked so pale that she was convinced mmg I tak larat ke hulu hilir!

Then went to my panel clinic to collect my mc for today.The after effect of the medication given by Dr Arifah is pretty strong.My head rasa nak meletop (tapi no headache) and tiba2 naik rash (sebiji) on my neck.Stomach ache.So she gave me something.Balik I tidur sampai senja! Mimpi pun mengarut2. Too long I guess.

The phone would not stop ringing...masa ni lah segala mcm orang dtg nak jumpa.I just told my friends...just go ahead with it..whtever is good for you is good for me.I'm going to rest for a bit today.
They have been helpful.You see? The world will not stop if we die. :)

Malam ni I promised Gayah to sit with her and sort out pictures for Tan Sri Ani Arope's memoir.We have to get everything done for the 50th year dinner on June 22.I would not be in town for it but it is important for the rest that the book project is completed before that date.

Masalahnya my mom baru sampai from Sal's.How do I sneak out without her nagging on me that I should just rest?

Drama minggu ini

Ah life! Never short of dramas.

I decided to see my gynae today.I was bleeding abnormally.Dr. Arifah is also my neighbour but I never met her.Jumpa kat hospital dekat rumah kita.She also thought it was abnormal to bleed so much.I told her about the cell renewing supplement I took for some months now.She said that could be it and explained how it could have happened.Jgn percaya apa yg dijual di luar sana.It may work for some people but it cannot work for everyone.Harga mahal nak rak.The product is called AgeLoc, R2.You google tengok.Jgn beli.Or at least talk to your gynae first.

Dr. Arifah wanted to admit me.I was willing but the service at Tropicana was so slow.This is not our panel hospital but my IIUM insurance could pay for it.For it to clear pun lama so I kensel, paid for my medicine and minta Dr. Arifah tulis surat to the other gynae at another hospital and balik rumah, tidur.Sebelum tu sempat texting with my in-laws.Lina said she heard service at the hospital mmg crap (but I still love Dr Arifah.She's fast.Nurses depa je need more training and I told one of them cos' they didn't ask me if I wanted an mc.Balik rumah baru terperasan no mc.Cheh! At the other hospital, the nurse would always remember this.Tak perlu tanya. Lepas tu I overheard one nurse said if she wanted it, she should ask the doctor.Apa lagi, I kasi seketul to her friend who came bck on the phone to say they can't fax or email the mc.I have to collect it myself.I told them lain kali you guys check lah dgn patients..kita mana nak ingat things like that cos' we are so sick.I told her other hospitals do that and that IS service.Org sakit mmg bisa mulutnya.:) But frankly speaking, I do not think nursing training schools teach their trainees much hal2 mcm ni.They are not taught proper care giving..just prosedure how to manage physical sickness).

Anyway, the bleeding has eased off. But the family network kemain cepat buzzing (CNN reporter was Sal) Even my youngest sister in Pekan rang up.I know they love me, yah? :D

And Dato Zailan and Rector were kind enough to speed up signing my proposal ( delayed cos' format was wrong and we had to do it again.Our Directors need to work on the shorts soon.Hopefully clear this week).I was working from home, explaining to Dato Z and Dato Seri the urgency of the matter.Nasib they were in town and could sign immediately.Syukurlah.

I didn't tell you we were at Grand Lexis in Port Dickson over the weekend.Nayli buat hal during our walk with Nadra in the stroller.Dia nangis cos' didn't like I betulkan crocs dia pakai terbalik.And when we stopped for a drink and an ice cream, she nangis lagi kuat, nak Mama.Nadra was sleeping.If she woke up, I'd have two screamy kids on me.Traumatising time for me.Nayli insisted nak duduk atas my lap.I could not enjoy my banana split at all.So I had to tell her this: stop crying..in this plc, crying kids are placed in ovens and would be grilled.Haha..sick, kan? Under pressure! Ini budaya hantu kopek ( jgn main waktu senja, nanti kena sorok dgn hantu kopek). I could not think of anything else to make her quiet. My pacifying story was inspired by Hansel and Gretel....

Luckily Nayli is too young to imagine such horrible thoughts..her vocab is limited..would not know wht an oven is or wht grill does.

When I told Z abt the episode, she said patutlah anak ada sorang je! And I told Nayli's mom...she went OMG Kak Nor, you didn't !!!

OK, tobat..no more walks with small kids.

Looking for zam-zam in the dark

It must have been a long day for me.But I got lost in the dark, looking for my friend's home.Dia jual air zam-zam.Pusing punya pusing, tak jumpa.This place has changed so much.

I almost gave up but stopped to ask a group of Indon men.They were simply pointing me directions.Arghs...lost in your own country.

Never had I felt so relieved bumping into a group of Indian school boys, walking in the dark.While one boy was pointing me to the opposite direction, another said saya tau.Dekat rumah saya.I asked awak mau balik? Iya, he said.Hop in, I said ( then felt guilty saying it...if I were his mom, I would not want any stranger to say to my child, hop in).He sat at the back.The evil mind of mine did imagine this: kalau bdk ni cekik aku dari belakang, mampuih! :))

Then he showed me the street of his house but said never mind, he'd show me to my friend's place which was 3 streets lagi.I said Davindran...lain kali you jgn simply naik kereta org tak kenal, tau? You tak takut kena culik? He said takda takda.I said apa pasal you takda takut kena culik sama saya?

Then he said the most beautiful thing to me: sebab saya tengok muka awak baik punya orang.

Kah3. Terus masa I dropped him tepi jalan, I kasi dia RM10.Which would be a lot for a little boy,I'm sure.Bapa dia kerja bawak lori.Mak, housewife.Kakak kerja kat tuition centre.Tapi rumah bukan flat, OK? Maknanya berkatlah hidup mereka ini.From the child's behaviour, you know the kinda upbringing he has.I was most humbled.I hope when he grows up, he would remember our encounter.The trust.The mutual affection.Established within seconds.

It does not take much to feel God's blessings once you allow them to flow in.

Getik!

Now that the vibes are so strong that we may get a new government, many who were so aggressive in oppressing PR leaders and supporters during their heydays as Editors, IGPs, Chief Ministers, Ministers have started to be on the same side as those they oppressed and humiliated before.

I rasa getik! Don't you?

These tukang kipas are like chameleons should we get a new government..so adjustable one.Kita tunggu je adegan meluat kita nanti..sapa tertunduk2 cium tangan PM baru and entourage-nya.

And Melayu mudah lupa.My friend Dr. M beria-iya said oh, the transfer of power will be so well protected by the relevant authorities.Kita doakan gitulah.

Cerita donut UIA ni tak habeh lagi in our emails going back and forth.While I respect difference of opinions, I can't believe some of us can be so shallow. :)) (so much for respect for differences, huh? Can't help it folks.Benci donuts!)

One student said, "For students, donut symbolises gay-ism : hard outside, soft inside".

Kau, jangan!

Menantu Miss Tali

I haven't really written about the drastic changes my MIL went through after her stroke last year (when she went unconscious for days).

Now a few months later, she has lost much of her agility.Her memory is on and off.Sometimes we can't tell but my in-laws have been good children, alhamdulillah.They try hard to care for her despite limitations they have...with demands of work and family.

But as I had long discovered, it would never be enough for aged and ailing parents.
I didn't tell you, did I, that one day, Mama (my MIL) insisted all her diamonds and golds were spread out infront of us and we must take what we like.Aiyooo..no one wanted anything.It upset her so we had to take.I restrained myself..haha...I'm just menantu Miss Tali not mithali.But I took 2 diamond rings for Z and my sis in law gave me one of the bracelets too.When I showed to Z, she said they were too old fashioned for her ( she does not like jewelleries anyway) but I would keep them.I'm sure when she knows the value of antiques, she would appreciate these gifts better.

Today when Mama woke up..she looked around the house, perplexed.She asked me: ini rumah kita, kan? It almost broke my heart.This is the woman so tough, so intelligent, so kind and so considerate...now so fragile and so afraid.

Bibik told me tadi while we were at work, she kept insisting there was money in her pocket.Bibik said her blouse takda pocket.Then Bibik said Wan, you sudah nyanyuk...mana ada poket baju itu.She got upset and asked a taxi was called..she wanted to go back to her home.She told Bibik: awak kata saya nyanyuk...saya muda lagi.

Kesian kan? Mama has always been conscious about her beauty and her appearance.She refused to do acupuncture cos she didn't want her skin to bertanda ( this long before she got to this stage)

But there were times that she could recite ayat kursi and surah al baqarah which I played on my iPad.
May there be comfort in our aged parents as they go through the final journey.

Kaiser's 1st bday

...was held at our place yesterday cos' my MIL was with us.So the little ones were there.My jantung rasa mcm nak gugur cos' they were so restless..touching this and that (I have many fragile items all over the house mainly vases with fresh flowers and tak fresh flowers).

Kids do not like coming to our place sebab the usual complaint is "semua benda tak boleh pegang".Sal's kid once joked about me screaming (her boys lagi lasak), "Putitdown!Putidown! Don't touch! Don't touch!"

Came in Tasneem and Nadra....wough.a tough time for me.Nadra with the buloh from Sarawak (my rain maker bamboo) would try to hit my bday vase with flowers, with it.I would scream...Nadra would laugh thinking I bergurau with her.She would do it repeatedly just to hear my screams! Mak oooi! (and she would celup all her small fingers in her brother's drinking glass, the sugared water dripping on my carpet and then she would sapu on my coffee table.Her brother would then drink the water which Nadra dah celup dgn jari2nya.Hahaha! Rasa funny pun ada)

When I have my own grandchildren, tak tau la macamana (but had warned Z not to expect me to babysit them longer than 2 hours).

Mengejar pahala

Part of it is attending jemputan kawin.Someone we know spent RM250K on their daughter's wedding.Mak ooii! But he said he recovered 55% of the expenses from wedding money gifts.Mak oooiii!

Today we went to Kajang.GPS ni tak leh percaya.Dia bwk kita pi tempat lain.Nama jalan sama! Once it just left me at a toll saying you have arrived at your destination.Hampeh!

The food at Amrah's wedding was sedap.The rendang Tok yg paling sedap.Both of them looked charming.Mcm pinang dibelah dua.

My MIL is sleeping over at our place tonight.After her mild stroke, she has lost much of her vigour and agility.She has become very sensitive too.Our place is a lot quieter cos' we do not have growing up babies, toddlers or young children.She's welcome to stay for the quiet.

Not much happenings these days.Me busy with my routine, doing followups and whatnots.GE13 news pun dah mula membosankan.Like we have been waiting forevah! Lepas tu kena tipu.Sal caught a phantom voter.Her name is used for another location.She reported to the rep of her MP.Apparently byk kes mcm ni.One former SPR clerk told Sal when she worked there, they'd use a name for 8 different locations (IC berbeda).

We are waiting for a miracle to save this country, yah?

Spring is not enough

1. Diciplak from Ann's fb:

   
   

   Spring
   Edna St. Vincent Millay
   
   To what purpose, April, do you return again?
   Beauty is not enough.
   You can no longer quiet me with the redness
   Of little leaves opening stickily
   I know what I know.
   ... The sun is hot on my neck as I observe
   The spikes of the crocus.
   The smell of the earth is good.
   It is apparent that there is no death
   But what does that signify?
   Not only under the ground are the brains of men
   Eaten by maggots.
   Life in itself
   Is nothing,
   An empty cup, a flight of uncarpeted stairs.
   It is not enough that yearly, down this hill,
   April
   Comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers.

   
   

   Edna St Vincent Millay was a remarkable poet (but as a sexual person, kaput! Jantan betina semua sapu.Even while in marriage).Can you imagine that her poems moved people to give her jobs, scholarships etc? Poem di atas is so beautiful.I like that bit "even beauty is not enough" (to cheat on death cos' death pasti akan datang jua.Spring tak spring).

   
   

   The world is getting ridiculous each day.I was trying to book this forest resort kat Raub (on the way to Raub).Hutan belantara dia kebas balaknya mcm penipuan Bukit Tinggi..buat golf course lah, tea house lah, French town lah.If you go, hampeh!) Satu villa RM12K.Gila ke hapa? So my friends akhirnya will scout for a cheaper hangout in KL for another get together.Party tupperware ke 50 lagi. :)

   
   

   My eldest sister came back from Makkah (the 3rd left in the same plane same day) and she said she doa for me and Nik and Z.So sweet.

   
   

   
   

   
   

Ghost stories on a Friday

We recited yassin and ruqyah at the office (new wing).Habib led the doa and Usama led doa makan and shared with us the beauty of Al Aqsa mosque.I think he's a wee bit homesick.Before the day ended, we found him a part time job..kerjanya buka and tutup pintu kelas every Sunday.

I joined DELL's lunch after mine at CERDAS.The gals wanted to know ghost sightings at CERDAS ( since zaman Azwadi, OK? 2008. I wasn't even born then.Ahaks.Born as Cerdas Director, that is)

So I told them.The series of sightings and recent ones since I moved in the new room.The gals got excited and started telling their ghost stories or those from their friends at IIUM.Some good ones:

1. Prof Rashid Moten working alone late one afternoon on Level 5, HS Building (same building whr Cerdas is). He heard knocks on his door.Went to open it.Stood a woman with long hair.Prof asked, yes sister, what do you want?

My friend who heard this from him asked: what did you do next?
Prof: she didn't answer so I shut the door. :D

2.Tania told her zaman dia belajar at PJ campus.Her Arab friend wanted to use a very secluded toilet at Malik Faisal Hall.Her Indonesian friend waited for her outside.When the Arab gal came out, she told her Indonesian friend that there was a mad woman with long hair in the toilet (the azan was just called out then), making face with claws nak cekik her, she said.

We all laughed saying it must be so disappointing for the setan not being recognised as a ghost! :))

3. Kak Oni is a no nonsense person.Semua orang takut dgn dia if she does not like something.One night, she kena kacau with syaitan.She got up, annoyed, and spoke to the empty air: now look, YOU have an issue with God, sort it out yourself.Don't drag me into it!!!

Senyap, no more gangguan and she went to sleep peacefully. :))

Should I or Should I Not?

Maybe you can advise me.

The situation is this: kids and I went pitching for some money for the film festival competition.The people liked our proposal but wanted a different angle.We explained. They asked if our findings were backed by researches done anywhere.They wanted that bit in the proposal.

So we went back, so happy to be given another opportunity to add in our research findings and further testings.

Today, the people who said they liked our proposal said they were happy to finance us but would only give RM2K for the experiment we wanted to do.That would not cover much of the competition expenses.

And RM2K??!I would have thought if you were convinced of the goodness of the project, you'd give more to support. Should we take it or not?

On the other hand, if we took it, it would give the research dimension to our festival.That would be good as well.Prof Berghout rang me to say OIC and its culture wing were excited to lend us their names and wish to learn from our experience organising this Islamic Film Festival.So if we have all documents on how we do things, it would help others as well, right?

But RM2K? Aiyooo...
Let me know what you think.

Ganti puasa

Nasib ada orang reminded kat fb Ramadan tinggal lagi 90 days.I checked my old calendar..mak weiii...baru ganti 2 hari puasa..more to go.

So today I started after cubaan semalam terbatal.Alhamdulillah, hari ini berjaya.We'll try again besok (yakni today) Oh aloh demo...cepatnya hari siang!

Bila dikira, tolak, campor, bahagi...I would take 2 weeks to finish up mengganti puasa ni.Buat sikit2.
We like the second wing better.Fully moved now.So homey but my new bilik berhantu! Friday nak baca yassin.Puh kanan, puh kiri..jgn kacau anak cucu Adam. :)

Meeting with my film director

So Sokat and I met up with En. H of 38 years' experience in broadcasting and filmmaking.We went through our script.He said confusing and tak jelas.Haha.

I said can we focus on the psychological/emotional turmoil than real event as the turning point event.Kalau tak, klise lah..anak mati, mak sakit, orang kena langgar.We see that too often in local movies/TV dramas.

It's not easy writing for film.Nak create turning point tu bukan mudah. So Sokat and I have to think hardlah on this.We have to rewrite to suit the 10 minutes short and also to fit in the definition of short film: one setting, one day with 2-3 cast (low budget short film).

En. H suggested a "stray cat and a beggar" inclusion. I like that. :) Tagline-nya: you do not need moneh to be human.

We'll see how.I think I need to enrol myself in a proper film school.

A-ha!

I must record this.

I may have caught my stalker with his pants down. I do not know how he does it but my fb account appears on his other fb account (which he has gone public for God knows why..isn't it crazy sending postings to yourself then repost it to yourself on another account? Ward 13 la alamatnya, katil hujung sekali).My fb account should not appear on his cos' not only have I blocked him but he was never on my friend list (It is complicated cos' I'm dealing with a complicated mind.Mine becomes complicated as well.Biol jadinya).

So I tried a few experiments like deactivating my fb.A-ha! My fb does not appear on his anymore.But this is like labu terjun dgn labi2nya, kan? I can't use mine and lose all the good people on my list.

So apa makna semua ini? Maknanya my stalker can read whatever I write on my fb without being my friend.Cheh sungguh kurang asam! This is violating my space.Gamaknya ada satu macam kepuasan ke atas hackers yang takda kerja mcm ni ya?


Too bad I'm not much of a Kate Upton to spy on. Haha.